Poncing around [season 1, episode 11]
Monday morning — in the lobby, at the Pleasure Dome's gym & spa
For someone so sensitive and genial as Lou, the group weigh-ins, every other week, had become a bit of a chore. Doctor Tietsen-Nippels praised him for his healthy appetite, how he kept growing and putting on weight, but he was getting tired of the same comments and compliments.
Her nutritionist colleague, doctor Arranoah, was mostly interested in his own line of research and his “pet project”, on the side of their weekly or monthly meetings — with Ryan as his test subject and Guy assisting him with his instructions, protocoles and reports.
Lou was secretly delighted that his big boyfriend spent so much quality time with his “big bear brother” at the gym, day in day out — Ryan was such an active but easy-going jock, Guy felt safe and comfortable around the treadmill and the adjustable weight benches, when he was supposed to act like a coach and keep an eye on his blond friend.
Their tight schedule and playfully athletic lifestyle kept the two young men in remarkably great shape. Of course, Ryan's diet of hearty, healthy snacks and milkshakes, with Diego's special chicken curry, Koast cottage cheese and candy bars pretty much every hour, on the hour, was meant to make him beef up and put on mass.
Standing by the bench and following Ryan's progress, Guy had actually lost a few pounds... He was still over 320lbs, big and strong, standing on the scales in his boxers, but that unexpected little weight loss made him feel somewhat frustrated right now — and hungry!
Ryan showed more discipline than his friends, around everyone's eating schedule and his routine at the gym, so everything kept moving forward in a positive way. Guy could only follow his moves, but he also knew that the silent blond jock would always be there to help him stay motivated, or focused, and sometimes comfort him like a cuddly big bear, whenever he may feel down.
Then he had no secrets for his boyfriend.
– “Aren't you training too hard together, in the morning?” Lou suggested.
– “Maybe Ryan does... I'm only pushing him to train even harder.”
– “And he doesn't even lose weight, when you can't get to gain more.”
– “Honestly, Lou...” Guy let out a sigh. “With all those sandwiches, candy bars, milkshakes and smoothies I keep pushing on him all day, he would have to burn calories like the world's most efficient blast furnace!”
– “Maybe that's how you lost two pounds. Standing too close to the fire.”
– “I can't imagine any other explanation. I eat big. I should grow bigger.”
Lou moved away from his desk to give him a hug.
– “What if you spent more time with me?”
– “I wish...” Guy kissed him on the lips.
– “I've put on another six pounds. What if I was rubbing off on you?”
– “Please... Be lazy, and I will keep rubbing your belly until you do.”
– “Better gain six pounds than a six pack, am I right?”
– “Lou, have you even been wrong once in your life?”
The two young men lost themselves in a passionate kiss.
– “Then you weigh... what, 238lbs now?”
– “Doctor Tietsen-Nippels praised me for it again...”
– “Of course! You should be praised for this. You've been eating so well, after your mother left for Tōkyō.”
– “I must have felt stressed too. I only gained six pounds.”
– “How about this? I gain six pounds, make it to 338lbs, while you hurry up and put on a hundred pounds, so you can finally outweigh me!”
– “Is that what you wish for us?” Lou responded with a broad smile.
– “Oh, definitely... I want you to be the bigger man in this relationship.”
– “If I weighed 338lbs right now...”
– “Yes, please?”
– “Well... Don't tell him, but I would weigh just the same as Austin.”
– “Wow! That would be sweet.”
– “I don't know... Bittersweet, at best. Austin gets so competitive about our weigh-ins and measurements. He needs to constantly remind himself that he's the heaviest, largest and fattest member in our team.”
– “Don't worry about him... Austin can always outweigh you by a couple pounds. You're bigger than this, and you know Ryan will always be there to provide him with all the most delicious, most fattening food he wants.”
Guy hugged him tight, enjoying his boyfriend's size and softness.
They heard a sound that felt only too familiar by now.
– “BUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRP...”
Ryan was done with his morning routine on the treadmill — and his first big shaker of Diego's special Koast smoothie of the day.
– “Huh... Speaking of the deviled eggs.”
■ ■ ■
Monday morning — in Hawk's bedroom, by the lighthouse
Austin was eating his chocolate muffins so fast as he could, lying in bed against the largest pillows Hawk kept in his bedroom for him.
– “Did you choke on one of those, recently, or...”
– “Huh... What?” Austin asked with his mouth full.
– “The way you're going after your muffins, it looks like vengeance!”
– “It's not. I just need more.”
– “You'll get to eat more...”
Hawk sat by the side of the bed, to rub his boyfriend's stomach.
– “I've never seen you eat in such a hurry. What's going on?”
– “Nothing! That's what... I'm still dragging behind myself.”
– “Is this because you “only” gained four pounds recently?”
Austin nodded. Hawk whispered into his ear, mischievously.
– “If you're sick and tired of being so pint-sized, it's okay... You'll get a whole pint of chocolate whole milk and butter cream milkshake to drink after lunch and dinner.”
This brought a smile to the well-fed black young man's face.
– “So you've only put on four pounds... You almost weigh 340lbs.”
– “Yeah...” Austin pouted. “I'm not even up there yet.”
– “It's not like you have to reach 400lbs by the time you turn 20.”
– “Hawk, have you just met me? That's only step one in my goals!”
The tall man rolled his eyes at his boyfriend's insistence.
– “Okay, tell me about this. Clearly, there's more to it.”
– “Well...” Austin mumbled, between large mouthfuls of muffins.
– “Let me guess. Lou managed to gain more weight than you, again.”
– “Six pounds, Hawk. And you said it. Again. What's wrong with me?”
– “There's nothing wrong, and you know it. Lou is still lighter than you, by... How much, like a hundred pounds? It's only natural that he packs on weight a little easier than you.”
– “I guess... Lou has the perfect boyfriend for it, too.”
– “And how am I supposed to take this?”
– “No offense, Hawk, but Guy is younger and bigger than you... And he wants his boyfriend to grow really fat!” Austin struck a pose, like a little princess, poking fun at his grey bear. “I only have you and Ryan to keep me from feeling so underfed. What's a girl to do in such times of need?”
Hawk almost pounced on top of him, with a wicked grin.
– “All this drama for a measly couple pounds? I will show you how much fatter I want you to grow...”
– “Oh! yes, please. “Ogre mode” activated?”
– “You bet.”
There were only four chocolate muffins left on the plate, by the bed... Hawk fed them to his boyfriend — causing Austin to moan and smile in delight, like a good glutton.
– “See, fat boy? I'm here for you.”
– “Hmmmph...”
– “And Ryan?” Hawk looked up. “How's he doing?”
– “Hmmmph... Still on Diego's diet, you know.”
– “Yes. Snacks, smoothies and shakes at all Koast.”
– “Yup.”
– “It's been really effective, too. How much does he weigh now?”
– “Hmmmph... I guess, over 300lbs.”
– “That's pretty big for him. And he's been bulking up fast!”
– “Yup.”
It was Hawk's turn to tease his greedy boyfriend.
– “I bet you wish you could gain 40lbs... 50lbs... 60lbs...”
– “Hmmmph... And spend so much time at the gym? Pass.”
– “And show some discipline around your schedule, right?”
They took a moment to just guess how many meatball sandwiches, big bowls of Koast cottage cheese, yoghurt and fruit salads, milkshakes and candy bars Ryan had to eat all day, under Diego's and Guy's supervision.
– “Tight schedule, for sure. Hmmmph... Every hour, on the hour.”
– “Yes... Like Pavlov's dog. Only dumber.”
– “Hawk!” Austin snapped at him.
The tall bear leaned forward and kissed his plump boyfriend on the lips.
– “How about the others, and the Pleasure Dome?”
– “What do you mean?”
– “Business as usual? I don't know.”
– “You could say that again... We need to shake things up a bit, around this place, if we want to start making real money.”
– “What does “real money” mean to you? Green leaves from the United States, blown off the Wheel of Fortune?”
– “Something like that... For starters.”
– “Get more customers to come visit from Maine, or Connecticut, or...”
– “Chris is working on it.”
– “Is he, really?”
– “He's been thinking about organizing some special event.”
– “What kind of event?”
– “I don't know... He didn't talk too clearly about it.”
– “Or you weren't listening too closely when he did.”
– “How is that my fault? I'm only 19. If you want me to pay attention to what you have to say, keep it short.”
– “No need to remind me. I can see your eyes switching to screensaver mode when I tell you about my parents or my cousins for ten seconds.”
– “We've been over this. Your family's okay, but they are boring. Nothing happens to your folks, and let's keep it like this... If you feel like telling me about them, make it interesting.”
After a few more big bites, Austin was done with his muffins, chocolate chip cookies and milkshake. Hawk let himself fall on top of the bed, next to him... They both looked at the ceiling for a moment.
– “Of course, you know what's going to happen to me.”
– “When did you say you would be investigated?”
– “First meeting, tomorrow afternoon.”
– “With that inspector... Badger?”
– “It's Inspector Badgett.”
Hawk let out a deep sigh. Austin snuggled against his chest.
– “Oh! well... A badger with a badge. Just what we needed around here.”
■ ■ ■
Tuesday morning — in the greenhouse
Guy was sprinkling water over some seedlings of Diego's Cryptophyta Pachyntika Megalophagia. He felt rather proud about his “green thumb”. Under his care, that marine organic compound had grown so much, with such large green leaves, that it almost looked like fresh salad.
On the other hand, he only had two rows of such plants to work with... The greenhouse, once packed with pots, buckets and tubs overflowing with growing seedlings of Koast compound, felt quite empty around him.
Ryan was running on the treadmill again, under Diego's watch. Lou was right about their blond friend's discipline... Guy couldn't help wondering that Ryan would actually outweigh him, soon.
– “BUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRP...”
That familiar primal call made him smile, and look up.
Diego was slowly coming back from the gym, holding a large, wet towel around his shoulders with both hands. Ryan followed him closely, coming fresh out of a cold shower... Once again, after such an intense work-out with his demanding coach, the blond jock looked hazed, confused and a bit disoriented. They were used to dealing with him like this, by now.
Ryan was quite the beefcake, at the Pleasure Dome... Guy had to ask Diego about his latest results. He wished to stay discrete about it, but he had guessed quite correctly — his blond “big bear brother” weighed no less than 308lbs, and his measurements were impressive.
As his nutritionist and coach, Diego was beaming.
– “You've grown really thick, Ryan!”
– “Oh... Honestly, guys?” The big jock blushed. “Better thick than sick.”
It wasn't lost on Guy that Diego looked particularly michievous, today.
– “Good workout session, Ryan. There you go! Have another milkshake.”
– “Okay...”
Ryan didn't look particularly thirsty, but he did what he was told to do. Encouraged to drink “faster, faster, faster”, he gulped down the whole thing in less than two minutes... Then he couldn't help himself.
– “BUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRP...”
Diego just laughed at this, wholeheartedly.
– “This will be your last shaker of Koast milkshake, until further notice.”
– “Oh... Why?”
– “I'll be out of Koast compound to keep making these, soon.”
Guy folded his arms and nodded. Ryan blushed as he looked around.
– “What's happening?”
– “What do you think? You've been through all our samples.”
– “I thought you were going to grow new seedlings, outside...”
– “I will, but it's taking some time. I need to hire a new assistant for that job in the fields. Your friends have been generous with the lease of lands for my research, but there's so much work to be done... Besides, you've been on this bulking diet for three months. Am I right?”
– “Yes... I think so.”
– “And you've been eating like a beast. Gobbling, gulping, guzzling...”
The dumb blond beefcake didn't expect this. He looked short of breath.
– “And in three months, you've managed to pack on no less than...”
– “Ninety pounds.”
– “That's right!”
– “308lbs on the scales, this morning, on an empty stomach.”
– “To be fair, your stomach is almost never empty nowadays.”
Ryan didn't know if he should feel proud or ashamed about it... Guy felt tempted to applaud him, and give him a big hug — he remembered how skinny his friend was when Diego had put him on this special diet, only a few months before. Looking back even a bit further, he remembered how Ryan had once weighed as little as 208lbs for a few days, and his friends were shocked. It was just not acceptable, around the Pleasure Dome.
Of course, that general outcry felt like a distant memory, right now.
– “Ninety pounds of red meat in three months... Not bad!” Diego teased his test subject, with appreciative pats on Ryan's belly and a broad smile on his face. “How does this make you feel, big boy?”
– “I don't know... Bulky?”
– “Duh.”
– “Massive, I guess... And fat.”
– “Again, to be fair, you have beefed up so well that you look fatter than you really are. But you're right. You've grown massive, like a real beast! And meaty, to say the least!”
– “What can I say?” Ryan blushed. “You've done a really good job...”
– “Maybe a little too much of a good job.”
– “How so?”
Diego thumped Ryan's nicely rounded out tummy.
– “You've grown such a big ball belly... Three months is a good run for this kind of bulking diet, in any case. If we kept this up, you would grow into quite a man-sized meatball!”
Ryan was quite bloated, of course, after drinking that milkshake.
– “Do you want me to... cut back?”
– “I couldn't keep up with your appetite, anyway!”
Guy raised an eyebrow — he had never heard Ryan ask for one of his snacks... Most of the time, he actually felt like he had to force the blond jock to eat and drink, and keep it going with his daily activities.
– “Don't worry, Ryan. As soon as we're ready with my Koast plants in the fields, we'll get back to this. And I have a new kind of diet for you, in the meantime.”
– “Okay...”
Ryan didn't seem to mind that he would have to lose some weight.
Diego sent him back to the rowing machine, at the gym. Then, alone in the greenhouse with his assistant, he was free to share and explain the next steps of his plans.
Guy asked him first.
– “Do you really think that Ryan has grown too big?”
– “Certainly not. 300lbs is a pretty good weight for him.”
– “So we're actually out of Koast ground leaves to mix in his food?”
– “Pretty much... We will need more of the latest kind of seedlings we've been working on together.” Diego let out a sigh. “To be fully honest with you, I should have moderated these last three months a bit better. Ryan was so eager to do well, we've just kept pushing him to eat, eat, eat...”
– “Well, duh...” Guy thought out loud.
– “I have been working for some time on a Koast-based sort of cold tea, with a colleague and his team. Something like kombucha, only lighter in texture, neutral rather than acidic, not sweet, quite effective to detoxify the drinker's digestive system and to improve his immunity, as well as the assimilation of lean nutrients.”
– “Lean nutrients?”
– “That's what I said.”
– “You know, Diego...” Guy twisted his lips. “Around the Pleasure Dome, you're not allowed to mention anything, or anyone, “lean”. Except maybe David Lean... I'm not even sure.”
Diego was taking a look at the potted plants of Koast, with their large and appetizing leaves. He responded with a hopeful smile.
– “Here's more news for you. I'm leaving for Nova Scotia and Greenland, tomorrow morning. I will be away for a month.”
– “A whole month?”
– “Thirty-six days, so... Yes, about a month.”
– “Huh...” Guy didn't know what to say. “Okay, I guess.”
– “You have to keep an eye on Ryan, in my absence.”
– “Of course. What kind of routine should we follow, then?”
– “No need to change his workout routine. Keep up the pressure.”
– “Okay, I will. How about his diet?”
– “Cut it in half, basically. Snacks every two hours. Keep it very strict.”
– “No problem, but... Cottage cheese and candy bars?”
– “You will replace his snacks with the items on this list.”
As much as Guy would like to make Ryan eat thick sandwiches and rich meals, with large bowls of hypercaloric cottage cheese, he expected to find some radically different groups of food mentioned in Diego's list.
– “I see. Lean chicken meat, no surprise there. Lentils and curry...”
– “That's right, keep it healthy. Don't worry about the size of his meals.”
– “Okay... I'll keep him well-fed.”
– “We both know how much he can burn those calories.”
– “Then I should keep them coming?”
– “Just stick to the list, stick to the schedule, and make sure that healthy red meat sticks to his bones.”
That comment made him feel a bit better. No one wanted to see Ryan go hungry and grow skinny again. Guy went on reading through that list.
– “I see... Wow! lean, lean, lean.”
– “What did I tell you?”
– “A lot of vegetables in his diet. Poor Ryan...”
– “What's wrong with vegetables?”
– “Huh... Rabbit food? Good luck with that!”
– “Good luck comes with a rabbit's foot. This will be different.”
– “Well...” Guy thought out loud. “We're all adults, at the Pleasure Dome. There's just no way to ignore what's going on when Ryan gets lucky.”
■ ■ ■
Friday evening — in the kitchen
Lou was a bit nervous, feeling both frustrated and saddened about the latest turn of events around the Pleasure Dome. Austin had concerns of his own, with his boyfriend under investigation and having to justify his actions during the storm, when he had pretty much saved their lives — now having to deal with daily interviews conducted by an inspector who seemed determined to make him fall.
They were not in the mood to organize fancy events, or treat large groups of guests, at the moment... Chris claimed that he had something in mind, but Lou was used to him not sharing that kind of information.
A few days earlier, he had received a letter from some friends he had not heard of since high school — which was unusual in itself, considering that Chris never received news from the United States, but his reaction was also quite out of character. Lou couldn't figure out it that letter made him angry, nostalgic or excited. It looked like “all of the above”.
Chris had asked him for a few days to make a number of important phone calls, and come up with a really grand new event. It was better to let him do his thing.
Guy shared Lou's frustration over Ryan's new daily routine. It was just brutal, physically and emotionally, for the two big bears at the Pleasure Dome... In less than two weeks, it looked like their blond beefcake had already lost twenty, maybe up to thirty pounds.
How Ryan could stay cool and spend after-hours time on his studies of the Iturritik language, with all the work to be done in the kitchen and his training at the gym, Lou and Guy had no idea. They weren't exactly at a loss for words, however, with that enormous dictionnary their friend kept on a stool, next to the dinner table.
– “So... How far have you read into this, so far?”
– “It's a dictionnary, Guy. Not a novel...”
– “Right.”
Austin joined his friends around the table. Lou could tell that it would be better not to ask him about Hawk at the moment.
– “Then you may have... learned something about these Iturritik guys?”
– “About their language, at least.”
– “And how is it going for you?” Austin asked rather listessly.
– “It's really complicated...” Ryan sighed. “The Iturritik language has so many tenses for their verbs and such strange declentions, with different cases of nouns, pronouns, adjectives and adverbs. They have suffixes to tell the precise degree of parentality and mutual respect between subject and object, the level of intensity of a quality, from weakest to strongest, or totally useless to absolutely necessary, to pinpoint an inflection in the course of action, or to suggest a cloud of indecision around a statement. Your ancient local tribes must have taken pride in such long and nuanced words, that provided them with an abundance of rich rhymes. Then what can I say about all that?”
– “Didn't you just say, like... a lot?”
– “I guess I did. And I'm done...”
Austin was about to suggest that his friend could bake a few apple pies for them, using his own recipe with a tender, thick flaky pie crust, slices of juicy apples drenched in brown sugar, a trickle of lemon juice, a touch of cinnamon, nutmeg and butter — when Chris stormed in the kitchen, with a crumpled letter and a small black box in his hand.
– “Girls, have I news for you!”
Everyone was startled at this outburst.
– “What's happening?” Guy eventually asked.
Chris didn't answer. It looked like he had just been struck by lightning, with feverish eyes, shivering hands, flaring nostrils — just brimming with electricity. He walked straight to Ryan, and got down on one knee.
– “Huh... Chris, what are you doing?” The blond jock asked, blushing.
– “Ryan Hewdge?”
He put the letter in his pocket, and opened the box with both hands.
– “Ryan... will you marry me?”
There was a short moment of silence in the kitchen. Austin was the first to come to his senses.
– “Dibs on the wedding cake!”
■ ■ ■
Saturday afternoon — in the lighthouse
– “...And he said yes?”
– “Of course, he did!” Chris grinned, convincingly bashful.
Hawk was speechless — Austin had to tell him about it as soon as Ryan was busy again, back in the gym with Guy... His cousin had followed. He wouldn't miss this for the world, as he raised his hand to show off that engagement ring. Even Lou was curious to see how Hawk would react.
– “Yeah, he did.” Austin nodded with a wry smile.
– “You boys are getting married...”
– “To be fair...” Lou suggested. “Have we ever heard Ryan say no?”
– “Hey!” Chris looked offended. There would be no rain on his parade.
– “You have a point...” Austin concluded.
It did bring Hawk to smile. He didn't buy any of this.
– “You're joking, right? Austin came up with this, and you're just playing a trick on me, to lift my mood or poke fun at me...”
– “We're not.”
– “Why should we, Hawk? That would be really silly.”
– “If this is a joke, the trick's on Ryan right now, really.” Lou shrugged.
Chris turned and gave him a rather stern look.
– “Thank you for your support.”
– “I'm sorry...” Lou didn't insist. “It's just so... unexpected.”
– “How so?”
– “I don't know. It's like... You? Ryan? You and Ryan?”
– “That's right. It doesn't sound right.” Austin frowned.
– “Wow, guys! Thank you for having standards. Raise the bar.”
– “I'm the bartender here...” Lou raised his hands. “The only thing I can raise would be the level of alcohol in our customers' drinks.”
Hawk still had doubts. Chris had also announced some big event.
– “You're serious about this.”
– “I am.”
Austin, Hawk and Lou shared a suspicious look.
– “No you're not.”
– “First things first...” Lou moved forward to face the group. “I would like to know what kind of “big event” you had in mind, before you proposed to our dear cook and totally unsuspecting friend.”
Chris let out a deep sigh, immediately followed by an impish smile.
– “Okay... It started with that letter I've received from my friend Anita. Austin, do you remember Anita, from high school?”
– “Chris, we didn't go to the same schools...”
– “I must have told you about her. And her oafish, standoffish boyfriend at the time, Bryan.”
– “Huh... Wait, wasn't she elected to be Queen at your Prom?”
– “She was! They were our Prom King and Queen, back then.”
– “I don't remember meeting her... or him.”
– “No, you haven't.”
– “So... What's so special about them?”
– “They're getting married.”
– “Is that what their letter was about?”
– “They just got engaged.”
– “Okay...” Lou was curious to see where this would lead them. “Did you suggest that they could get married at the Pleasure Dome?”
– “Not exactly. Maybe something like a dressed rehearsal. We will hold a party for all my classmates from ten years ago... They can celebrate the anniversary of their first time as an official couple, and it will be a great way for everyone to reunite before their wedding.”
Hawk, Austin and Lou listened to him, nodding as he went on.
– “Are we talking about an evening with your friends, or...”
– “Oh! it would have to last a whole week. We'll have more than eighty guests, maybe up to a hundred if they bring their current partners. I've called as many people as I could, and I'm pretty sure that Anita also did her best to convince them. I mean Ashley, Scarlett, Melanie, Joe, Diana, Laura, Brenda, the whole gang! I'm still waiting for a few RSVP's, but it's a done deal.”
– “Okay... It does sound big, I'll give you that.”
– “I agree. This is a really good deal for us!”
– “This is bullshit...” Hawk growled, with his arms folded on his chest.
Austin turned to his grumpy boyfriend, with a frown.
– “Hawk! what's wrong with you?”
– “There's nothing wrong with me... Forgive me for my 20/20 eyesight, when I can see right through this cockamamie plan you've concocted.”
– “What do you mean?”
– “Your Prom King and Queen are getting married. Then, out of the blue, you invite them to the Pleasure Dome so you can show off, in front of all your high school friends, with Ryan as your “trophy husband”... Please, how is this not the most pathetic attempt at stealing their thunder?”
Chris straightened up, looking pale and genuinely shocked.
– “...Trophy husband?”
– “Husband or not...” Lou commented. “There's nothing about Ryan that would suggest “atrophy” in any way.”
– “I mean...” Austin cleared his voice, feeling the tension between Hawk and Chris. It would be easier for him to cut through a large, deep pan of dark chocolate with a knife. “It's not like you guys met at a county fair.”
– “And you'd have to be a decent shooter to win an actual teddy bear.”
– “You don't get it, Hawk. If you believe it's so funny, then have fun. I'm serious about this, and so is Ryan. Serious as a heart attack.”
– “Clearly not the kind of heart attack we need to worry about...”
– “I wouldn't be so sure. Believe it or not, Ryan and I are going for it!”
He didn't bang the door as he left, but it felt like he had.
– “I'm afraid Chris really meant it.” Lou nodded. “They're doing it.”
– “I had no doubt about that. Of course, they're doing it...”
– “Let's consider this deal Chris has us all signed up for. Hosting parties for a whole week, with about a hundred guests from the United States? It would be the first really big event for us, at the Pleasure Dome.”
Hawk reluctantly agreed, with a short growl. Austin's reaction was a lot louder, and unexpected.
– “Oh! no... I don't want to do body search again.”
– “What do you mean?”
– “More customers coming from the United States? That's three of four times more guns to be stored at the lobby. Sorry, been there, done that. I'll pass...”
– “Come on, Austin.”
– “Oh! no, I'm serious about this.”
– “Have you been to JFK or LaGuardia airport, Lou?” Hawk asked with a playful grin. “Didn't Chris tell us that, for anyone who scores over a four, it goes on for at least twelve minutes?”
– “So what? We don't have to do it like an angry customs agent.”
– “You don't understand...” Austin shuddered at the tought. “They expect this. They're counting on it... It will be a game for them! I don't want to find out just how many guns they can hide in all the creases and folds on their chubby bodies.”
Lou rolled his eyes. He had seen Austin go through it before.
– “What will you tell your cousin about it?”
– “I'll be staying here for the week.”
– “Here, at the lighthouse?”
– “With Hawk.”
– “May I ask why?”
– “Emotional support.” Austin hugged his tall grey bear tight.
– “Oh, really...”
Hawk rubbed his boyfriend's belly. He was delighted by his decision.
– “It goes both ways...”
Lou didn't insist. Austin was genuinely concerned for his big bear.
– “Okay. I'll ask Guy to welcome our guests.”
There was a knock at the door. Lou and Austin looked puzzled.
– “Were you expecting someone, at this hour?”
– “This isn't a social thing. It's that inspector. We have an appointment.”
Hawk opened the door. The guy in charge of investigating his case for the mayor's office didn't look so imposing or intimidating as Austin and Lou had anticipated... He was short and scrawny, with a buzzed haircut and a lean, clean-shaved face. His grey raincoat and high-topped shoes were badly worn-out, and his rumpled shirt didn't look so white as it was bland. Everything about him was just ordinary... Austin had a hunch that he didn't need to hide behind the curtains if he wanted to disappear — standing as he was in the middle of the room, he already looked like he had made himself scarce.
– “Austin... Lou... This is the inspector I've told you about.”
– “Gentlemen...”
– “These young men work at the Pleasure Dome.” Hawk explained.
They shook hands in a truly shaky, nervous way.
– “Welcome to the neighborhood, inspector Gadget.”
– “It's Badgett, sir.”
– “Oh...”
Hawk took Lou to the side.
– “Thank you for that! Good pick to break the ice.”
– “Sorry...”
■ ■ ■
Wednesday morning — on the way to the mall, and back
Ryan was driving the car, with Chris on the passenger's seat. They were on the highway from the Pleasure Dome to downtown Pleasance.
– “Are you sure you want to do this?”
– “Of course, I am. We have to. There will be a lot of people...”
– “I understand, Chris. It's a big deal for you... and me. I just don't want to be an embarrassment in front of your friends.”
– “And that's why we need to buy matching tuxedos.”
The landscape almost disappeared under the rain, sleet and sometimes snow — there wasn’t much for them to see on the road anyway, except ramps, lanes, street lamps and traffic... It had started snowing early in the morning, with enchanting, small and mildly romantic flurries.
There was nothing romantic about it, in the dull light of such a day.
By the time they hit the road, there was four to five inches everywhere on the ground — but the rain and a little sunshine would wash most of it away before noon. School buses were still going slowly and Ryan, always a careful driver, kept his eyes on the road.
– “Aren't you feeling a bit hungry, Ryan?”
– “I had breakfast right before we left.”
– “That's right, but there's more of it for you.”
Chris had a whole plate of vegetables in his lap — Ryan's new diet had replaced meatballs with cocktail tomatoes, candy bars with carrot sticks and skinned cucumbers, meatloaf with beets and coleslaw, cookies with sliced onions, hypercaloric cottage cheese with lean yoghurt and Diego's milkshakes with his new brew of cleansing Koast herbal tea...
His sweetest drink now was freshly squeezed orange juice.
– “Have another carrot.”
– “Hmmmph... Way to make me feel like Bugs bunny.”
– “Please, you would disappear in the fog, with this weather...”
– “Did you have to bring the whole plate on this ride?”
– “It's a long ride. And you have to eat.”
– “Okay...” Ryan let Chris feed him some more coleslaw with a fork.
– “Have a few more tomatoes. And a good-sized Playboy bunny's carrot.”
– “Don't get me started. I know you hate to see me eating vegetables.”
– “I hate that it makes me look like a responsible parent. You didn't need my help to behave and eat your beets, as a child.”
– “I wish we had such a variety of fruits and vegetables on our kitchen table, back then...”
– “I bet you had plenty of apricots, nectarines and bananas. Maybe not so much peach cobbler, but peaches... Right?”
– “Not really.” Ryan nodded. “What makes you think I did?”
– “Because...” Chris fed him slice after slice of fresh peaches, marinated in Koast herbal tea. “You are what you eat, and boy! did you grow up to become a real peach...”
The two young men laughed, and held hands over the car's brake.
– “I know. Every neighbor could tell that I would be such a fruit.”
– “And my parents would have stuffed me with sunflower seeds, sesame seeds and pumpkin seeds, if that could prevent me from being “the bad seed”. They didn't try this, but I don't think it would have made much of a difference, anyway.”
– “It does sound like a very oily diet...”
– “Yes. And not my cup of tea, to be honest.”
– “Oh! I wouldn't mind a cup of tea, if you don't mind.”
Chris poured some in a paper cup, and he made Ryan drink.
– “You know what? I miss those milkshakes you had to drink, like...”
– “Every hour, on the hour.” The blond jock shook his head, as if he was reciting a lesson in front of the teacher. “Really? I thought everyone was sick of me drinking so many of them, all day...”
– “Why should we feel sick? They looked very thick, and creamy, but you were the one who had to drink those.”
– “They were pretty thick... My stomach was really bloated when I was done with a full shaker.” Ryan looked down. “And they made me burp so much, and so loud, every time...”
– “Yeah...” Chris gently placed a hand on his friend's thigh. “That's what I miss the most about those milshakes.”
Ryan coughed, and blushed. Chris gave him some more tea to drink.
– “Seriously, Chris... You wouldn't want me to burp in front of everyone, when your friends stay with us for a week at the hotel.”
– “Of course not. You were right, this is pretty good timing.”
Chris leaned to the side, to whisper into Ryan's ear.
– “But since we're alone, right now... Just you and me.”
– “Yes, Chris?”
– “Well, go ahead! Let me hear one good, raspy, booming belch.”
– “No way...”
– “We're already on the highway. Come on.”
– “I didn't expect you to turn this into a game.”
– “I'll keep stuffing you with vegetables, fruits and yoghurt until you feel full enough to let out a really deep, loud and rumbling one for me.”
Ryan took a short breath in, and straightened up a bit in his seat.
– “BUUURRRP...”
Chris couldn't help laughing, while Ryan wouldn't stop blushing.
– “I know, I know... That was weak.”
– “It wasn't weak. As burps go, you could even say that was... cute.”
He slipped a hand under Ryan's seatbelt, and rubbed his tummy.
– “You really are a teddy bear...” Chris almost purred.
– “The kind of teddy bear children leave by the side of the road, after a family picnic... and their parents buy them a new one from Toys 'R Us, rather than driving back to find it, because it's just not worth the effort.”
Ryan was only thinking out loud — not even loud at all... Chris rested his head on his friend's shoulder, knowing that it didn't bother him while he was driving.
– “Are you feeling bloated now?”
– “I'm good. I'll take a detour by the men's restroom at the mall.”
– “Okay...”
Chris kept his hand on Ryan's ball belly, under his T-shirt now, slowly rubbing it in long and sensual circles.
– “It's okay... You stick to your diet of carrot sticks.” He muttered.
They were driving through the main streets of Pleasance by now. When Ryan reached for his seatbelt, the click of it disengaging echoed like a gunshot in the otherwise silent underground parking lot.
It was a busy day, with many customers coming and going everywhere around them. Chris knew exactly where they had to go.
– “First, we have to buy a good pair of shoes for you.”
– “Okay...” Ryan didn't sound too excited, keeping his hands deep in the pockets of his jeans, as he walked along.
– “Then tuxedos.”
– “Yes, Chris.”
– “I promise, my friends will only judge you by the color of your suit and the quality of your shoes.”
– “I guess I should have expected as much...”
Ryan had no idea how to buy a good pair of shoes. He didn't really like the fancy models Chris chose, but it was easy for him to try a few pairs and find one that would allow him to walk or pace, go up and down the stairs, cross his legs and maybe dance.
The saleswomen were literally at his feet, ready to praise him about the size of his ankles and the perfect shape of his calves... It sounded so inappropriate, the blond jock couldn't feel more ill at ease, but it didn't take long for Chris and him to move on. He was still shocked at the price of those shoes they had bought.
– “That's why I didn't let you look at the labels.”
– “They must be really good shoes but, Chris... This is extravagant.”
– “And aren't you tired of being confined in the “vagant” lot?”
– “I'm serious.”
– “So am I. And I want you to put on your best behavior in here.”
Chris had brought Ryan to Armando's, the best taylor in Pleasance — or the only good one, in his opinion... The shop looked really fancy and not tacky, which was quite an achievement in this brightly lit mall.
– “This is going to cost a fortune...”
– “Sometimes it costs a little money for a handsome man to look good.”
– “If you say so.”
– “We're in the hotel business anyway. Not your kind of uniform, but...”