A Giant's Cook - Chapter 8

A Giant’s cook

Written & illustrated by Frenchfeeder

VIII. The Magic Mountain going South

               “When, in the course of their march, they came upon
            a friendly population, these would entertain them with
            exhibitions of fattened children belonging to the wealthy
            classes, overfed of boiled chestnuts until they were as
            white as white can be, with delicate, plump skin, and

            very nearly as broad as they were long...”

                                   Xenophon, Anabasis (Book 5, part 4)

  The giant opened his eyes.

  He had been sleeping very well, once again... The morning air around him was not so warm as the food he had been digesting during the night, but it was nice and refreshing, softly caressing his naked body. The light made him squint for a moment – it was a very bright sunrise : the plains and hills were already a fair shade of green and the sky was one, plain azure... Then the giant saw his dear friend Mark, sitting between his round, fleshy pecs. He smiled. Mark smiled back, and said something the giant couldn’t understand.

“Finally ! Rise and shine, you lazy mountain of guts...”

  The giant nodded absent-mindedly, stretched out his massive arms over his head, ran his fingers through his blonde, wavy hair, stretched his long legs too, causing some rumor in the distant hills, then – very slowly – tried to stand up... He only managed to sit up, holding Mark in his hand as he shifted his weight and leaned forward, pouring his massive belly into his ample lap. Mark admitted that it was already some accomplishment. Sitting on his wide butt, the giant had to catch his breath. He smiled to his friend again, let out a short burp, and patted the side of his empty belly a few times. He was always hungry, but he was happy somehow.

  With another low grunt, he got to stand up – slowly, carefully, as he had to find his balance. It seemed to change every day, now... And the poor beast was a bit lost, finding everything so different around him in the morning.

  Why was the sun already up like that ? Why were the valleys suddenly narrow, and much lower than he remembered them ? Why were the trees growing small instead of standing tall and proud next to him ? And what about his shadow ? It seemed to have disappeared, like his feet... And what were these mountains in the North ? He had never noticed them before. All these questions puzzled him. It was too much at once, and he was only reassured when he saw Mark, always there for him – his first and best friend in the world.

  The giant loved Mark, and didn’t question anything in the world.

“Now you’re up, big boy... There you go, one step at a time.”

  The giant nodded again, and slapped his overhanging belly. His stomach let out a long rumble. He was hungry, but surely Mark had prepared a delicious meal for his breakfast.

“Hurry up, Giant ! It’s almost time for lunch...”

  Mark was right : it was already mid-morning. The blonde beast was accustomed to start on his day at sunrise, but for the last few weeks, he had been waking up later and later... Since he always slept on the hills looking up to Mount Moob, large enough for his colossal frame, resting his head against the snowy cliffs in the West, his own peaking belly kept his face in the shadow for a few hours when the early mists were gone and the trees were bathed in a golden light in Kastel’s forests, in the East.

  As a result, Mark was always awake when the giant first smiled to him.

  The steadily increasing amounts of fatty foods in his diet had forced quite a few changes on Mark’s loving, giant friend. Some were to be expected naturally, but there were some surprising side-effects as well...

  Every morning, twenty-two large ships reached their discrete shores, coming from Port-Lyfraim, then twenty-five ships from smaller harbors in Stockytown. In the afternoon, no less than twenty-seven proud ships came from Burgstijn, and twenty-four more ships would follow in the evening, from Sacka-Graez. The four cities were keeping the beast overeating and busy, while their little world was going through a major crisis.

  It almost felt like the conflicting powers in Mittel Earth had forgotten about the giant being a threat... They kept on feeding him more – almost a hundred ships a day, loaded with fattening foods and beer ! – but they let him live. The men in the village had been worrying about their future for so long that they were used to it by now, and they only complained about the giant giving them more and more “crumbs” to eat. Every man and boy had grown so round and obese that they were almost unable to stand up, and too weary to walk...

  Mark was also far too plump and heavy, but he had not given up. Some said that he had to think for two, being the guardian of such a naive beast. Mark was not concerned with the giant’s insanely fattening diet, but with his friend’s own limitations... There had to be a limit. No matter how tall and hungry he was – or gluttonous, as he had become such a greedy boy – the giant couldn’t eat such amounts of foods that would have fed a whole, flourishing city !

  And yet, somehow, the huge beast devoured everything that was prepared for him – to the last crumb. He would sit down, munch down, gulp down and only be sated when everything was gone. Mark had trained him all too well...

  In the morning, the giant happily stuffed his face, pouring vats and vats of beer down his throat, by the hundred, and growing his round paunch back to a fuller, more acceptable size. He would feel the warm, greasy food slid down his throat and lay to rest inside his comfortable stomach... Then his usual, childish smile would spread over his large face.

  His second meal would go pretty much the same. The giant never seemed to mind the lack of change in his meals. It was always full, stuffed and roasted pigs, huge sausages, meat pies, fruit pies and oversized sweets with plenty of butter, more vats of beer, more jars of milk taller than those vats – no vegetables.

  That rather “rural” diet was replaced by a more elaborate one when Burgstijn served their happy-go-lucky, beast boy his third meal... The giant kept on eating – more and more, much to his friends’ disgust – with a renewed appetite, and much sloppier manners ! Mark couldn’t understand how his poor, innocent friend managed to force food into his gut that much, with thick pasta and meatballs in sauces growing cold, sausages thicker than ever – whose meat was suspiciously white – and Burgstijn pies that were more than half lard... The giant should have been exhausted, eating like this all day... But from that point on, he didn’t even share a crumb with his friends. It was quite strange.

  The men in the village didn’t mind, since they had received more than enough food in the morning and around noon. They were stuffed, and most of them were sleeping and snoring like pigs. Only Mark had once tried to find out what was so special with the food coming from Burgstijn-at-the-Seams and Sacka-Graez. He suspected a new, different kind of danger, but he had found nothing special with the food – and he wasn’t too tempted to eat lots of it...

  When ships came from Sacka-Graez to bring dinner, the giant was in the middle of a good nap, like everyone else these days. Still stuffed from his previous meal, he welcomed the new, magnificent display of buttery meats and pies, thick cakes and sweets... And so, he gorged his way into the night, finding the way back to his sleeping place much longer than in the morning. Always a bit drunk, in these late hours, he forgot about the changes around him and walked very carefully in the hills, wobbling and carrying Mark next to his chest.

  After days and weeks like this, the giant went to sleep in the only valley where he could fit his large hips and let his round, overfed belly heave in the cool air...

  It was no surprise then, that the giant had grown larger and fatter at a much faster pace, and that his belly had been rising faster than the sun while he was lying down... Mark didn’t mind that his loving friend had become lazy : he needed to rest and sleep to digest all that food !

  But there was another consequence that the four cities had not counted on. The giant had not only fattened up, he had grown taller. He was going through it like a teenager – only almost overnight – every night... It could no longer be denied. Mark roughly guessed that his friend was about three times his original height.

  During his deep sleep, the giant’s body sank deeper and deeper into the earth, his belly grew wider and rounder, and his head and feet grew further and further apart. Every limb in his colossal body was growing larger, his thighs and legs and arms packing on muscle mass ! His chubby palms and fingers were harmoniously part of more powerful, masculine hands. The giant’s face showed more maturity as well... There was a young, handsome man Mittel Earth had been feeding and fattening up, not a boy.

  Mark always felt so much better, when he considered than, instead of turning his loving friend into a butterball, he had helped him grow up into a fine giant – now about 600 feet tall !

  On the other hand, there was no side effect on his friend’s behavior. The giant was always smiling, kind to everyone in the village, playing with the children as if they had never grown up... The boys were so grotesquely obese that he could only make them roll down soft hills and valleys, like marbles !

  Beneath the giant’s gluttonous appetite was a genuine, boyish lust for life. Mark was in love with that big boy, always so caring with him and so friendly to every person he met...

  Then one evening, the giant almost choked on a chocolate-frosted cupcake !

  Mittel Earth had finally made it. There was too much food for the poor beast to eat. Mark was immediately by his friend’s side to help and comfort him, anxious as he saw his face turn red – and he was probably the only person around to be concerned : everyone was sleeping, drunk and stuffed with their mouths still full.

  The giant’s cheeks and forehead were flushed, but the huge boy gulped down loudly, caught his breath again, panting a bit after another long sip of beer to wash down the sponge-like food he had munched on... Then he opened wide and finished his cupcakes with some effort. The giant paused, gazing vacantly, and let out a belch so loud and sustained for so long that all the birds in the woods woke up and flew away in a panic.

“This has to stop !” Mark grunted. “He’s going to explode...”

  Mark had not yet forgotten how lean and athletic that giant used to be. It was hard to believe that the huge creature had once been running in the mountains, swift and agile, like a tiger... He loved how plump and comfortable the giant had grown, but he missed that more active side of him.

  The overwhelming amounts of food made for meals so long that they kept the giant’s belly bloated at all times. Beer and whole milk weighed him down a lot as well, making his head somewhat “fuzzy”, and his stomach “muddy”, according to the old women in the village. Mark only shrugged at those comments, or when they added that the beast’s head was fuzzy enough, as it was, and his guts sloshing and sagging like a pig’s potbelly.

  They didn’t know the real giant – the man underneath all that flesh.

  Mark had not lost hope for his friend. He missed the “savage”, dark side of him, but he trusted that the giant was the same good-natured, masculine, active boy, deep down... When he looked into his eyes, at night, he would feel that unique, magnificent spark. It was like unearthing a delicate treasure – hidden under thick layers of lard.

“I know what we can do, for starters...”

  When the giant woke up, his belly had deflated significantly, but Mark could tell that he had gained weight in massive amounts as a result of his previous feasts.

“Get up, you sloppy boy ! It’s time to feed you some...”

  The huge beast smiled, grunted and sat up, sweating and panting. Then he got to his feet, looking over garden-like forests and a strangely flattened horizon... The distant smell of food made his belly rumble again, and he walked down to his morning feeding spot. The giant truly was a glutton, a good boy always eager to clean his plate, then ask for second and third helpings !

  But something was different, that day...

  No beer for the giant !

  The blonde beast was treated four generously oversized meals, but he only had those tall jars of milk to drink. And, to everyone’s surprise, he didn’t seem to miss his favourite, blonde brew...

“This is incredible ! I thought this giant was a complete swine...”

“He used to be swilling beer all day long !”

“That must be because we encouraged him so much...” Mark interrupted, with a commanding tone. “From now on, we cut him off the beer !”

“But that’s over a thousand vats ! We have rolled them over to the caves, but you can’t hide it from him... There’s too much.”

“We will have to. Or if you feel thirsty, you can drink them all !”

  Mark was the only one left to believe in the giant. All the men and women in the village had encouraged the giant to eat and grow fatter for too long... Mark had expressed his disapproval in their occasional councils. But he admitted that it was only a matter of time before their friend and protector would be too fat and heavy to fight – then Mittel Earth would strike : a single blow, and all would be lost. It was only an insidious victory for them, right now, turning the giant into a harmless slop, but he would be killed eventually.

“He’s doomed to be slaughtered !”

“Like a pig... He’s like a lump already ! Too fat for his own good...”

“And what will happen to us when he’s dead ?”

“There will come a time for such a thing...”

  Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, crept in this petty pace from day to day... However, keeping the giant sober helped tremendously ! He was done with his meals a lot faster, and ready to move on. Mark encouraged his friend to walk in the mountains, go for midnight swims in the Great Lake. The giant followed his instructions like the men obeyed his orders. Soon, Mark was surprised to see his friend put enormous rocks back on top of snowy mountains, with impossible ease – plant new forests where a thunderstorm had destroyed a few trees. He stood so tall among the mountains that he could shape their summits as he pleased, with his strong, meaty fists... The giant was only careful not to tread on younger forests, which was hard since he couldn’t see his feet !

  Mark had only enjoyed the return of his healthy, colossal friend, when two new events changed both their fates – and, as they would unfold, the fate of all Mittel Earth...

  One morning, thin peasants and starving boys were spotted, coming from the East. They were running away from Kastel, as the first men in the village had done in the past. Mark didn’t hesitate to welcome these poor devils, and when they saw the giant, they fell to their knees in adoration. The huge, blonde beast was nothing like they had been told !

  He was looking down on them with a sad smile, took a few of them in his palm and gave them bits and pieces of everything, from his breakfast to his evening meal, leftover crumbs that were enough to feed them for a week – or a month, considering how skinny they all were...

  Mark asked them about Kastel-Pancia, while they were eating ravenously.

“The baron is dead. His knights have abandoned us. They are only protecting the castle, and a few strongholds in the mountains. Kastel is in a chaotic state...”

“How is the food still coming from Fatasz and Port-Lyfraim ?”

“Port-Lyfraim has fallen. Armies have come from Stockytown, and it is rumored that they have invaded Pancia !”

“So... Stockytown controls all the East side of the Great Lake ?”

“They’re at war with Burgstijn-at-the-Seams. But we don’t know if they have lost or won that battle... We only know that most villages in Pancia have been burned to the ground. We have been running for our lives.”

“We’ve been running away from the Devourer !”

“The Devourer ?...”

“What is that ? Another giant ?”

“No way !”

  So the peasants told Mark and his friends about a ruthless, almost animal man – some said it was truly a beast – who had conquered Pancia, destroying village after village, reducing all the men to become his slaves, and sending their sons to Stockytown like human sacrifice ! It was a horrible thought, and the peasants insisted on more frightful details...

“On his bow-back, he has a battle set of bristly pikes, that ever threat his foes !” one would say, mimicking some sort of monster with his hands.

“His eyes, like glow-worms, shine when he does fret !”

“His snout digs sepulchers wherever he goes...”

“Being moved, he strikes whatever is in his way...”

“And whom he strikes, his crooked tushes slay !”

  Mark knew better than to listen to that last part... Peasants from Kastel-Pancia were always telling tall tales. Had they not first spread the rumor about a killing, monstrous giant beast ? There had to be an element of truth in their account, but certainly nothing of the sort.

“A man”, Mark thought. “A Devourer, a conqueror...”

  There was a menace he believed in. A single man had been chosen to be the giant’s cook. Could only one other, single man fight him and kill him ? Or wasn’t it only a diversion ? Was it something else ?

  The peasants had nothing more to tell. Yet they provided some information that Mark had not expected.

  It was only natural that the men and children would be hungry, after a lifetime of hard work and starvation. But after the giant shared with them some of the food he had received from Burgstijn and Sacka-Graez, their behavior changed completely...

  In only a matter of days, all the men were potbellied and fat when they woke up. Then they would be hungry and begging for more food – always more ! Mark and the others let them eat their share and more, but they stuffed themselves so fast that they were finished all too soon, and ready to eat again...

“There must be something wrong with this food ! Let them have it for a while...”

“Isn’t it dangerous ? They have become extremely greedy...”

“In that case, it’s too late for them... I also want to know if the giant is willing to share this forbidden food !”

  So the newcomers were given more and more food – hardly enough for their growing appetites... They had chosen a discrete field where they were allowed to feast all day. All the men and boys kept on stuffing themselves, and feeding each other, rushing to gobble down and swill beer that was still being hidden from the giant... There were growing fatter and fatter at an alarming rate !

  After a week, even the skinniest, most lanky lad from Kastel had gained enough weight to be mistaken with one of the peasants the giant had treated so well all over Summer. The boys were equally tubby, with round cheeks and huge bellies. And no matter how heavy they were now, no matter how thick and soft they had grown, they were all so hungry as on their first day...

“This is horrible... They are willing to gorge themselves until they burst !”

“Three boys have already told me that they want to be stuffed like sausages...”

“They are fighting over who gets to lick the bottom of the jar of lard stuffing !”

“That’s right ! They have become restless and aggressive. It shows when they are eating too...”

"Of course. They're always eating !"

“Is that a secret weapon from Burgstijn ? or Sacka-Graez ?”

  Mark was pondering the situation, fascinated.

“I don’t know, but there is something even stranger than the effect this food has on everyone...”

“Oh ? What is it ?”

“It hasn’t affected the giant...”

  Incredible as it was, Mark was right. The giant had offered food to these poor, hungry, tiny creatures. Then he had let them take away a whole meat pie, then another – and yet another – without a flinch !

  He had plenty to eat, of course, and he was still growing bigger and fatter, day after day... but he was always willing to share. All that food was fattening him up – he had not been corrupted by it.

“I believe Mittel Earth has underestimated our giant friend...” Mark turned to his men, with a smile. It was a real smile, not a forced one, and the first in a very long time !

  But Mark’s moment to smile was short-lived. A second event occurred, this time on the Great Lake. Fireworks. Every time ships brought a meal to the giant, they fired a red light high into the sky. The giant could see it explode in the distance.

  It didn’t mean a thing. It may have been a warning, or safety precaution. But it was new, and Mark suspected that it would be followed by more drastic, more dramatic changes...

  In Port-Lyfraim, the officer in command for the harbor and the citadel was welcoming a most important visitor : The army had joined their city by land, reestablished communication with Stockytown, and their infamous leader, Rob the Boar, was now entering their gates in a victorious parade.

  But he was no longer mentioned as “Rob the Boar” in the official reports. His success in conquering Pancia and keeping the rebellious villages under control had earned him the title of “Rob the devourer”.

“Welcome to Port-Lyfraim. I am at your service...”

  Rob stepped inside the officer’s private apartments, followed by a few others. He was much fatter than they remembered him from Stockytown’s University... The conquest of Pancia had put at least a hundred pounds on his already hefty, strong body. Their general was clearly obese now !

“Reaching Port-Lyfraim by land has been a lot more difficult than we expected.”

“Still, you have managed to crush the rebellion, and Pancia answers only to your command...” the officer bowed, flattering him.

  Rob sneered. He had decided to change his strategy. Impatient as he was to get to the baron’s castle, and treasure, he had to take on a shorter path before Winter would make the roads disappear under the snow.

“I have to reconsider my path up North from this city. I will need your help.”

“I am afraid that we have more pressing matters at hand... This letter has been sent to you by the Guild in Stockytown.”

“Orders ?”

“They knew that you would be here on time for... you know...”

  Rob opened his letter. It was not only from the Merchants’ Guild in Stockytown, but a communication from both their masters and new king in Burgstijn-at-the-Seams.

“Orders regarding all our ships...” Rob mumbled. “Since when does Burgstijn has a king ?”

“Actually, it appears that he is ruling over Burgstijn and Sacka-Graez, according to my latest reports...”

“Both lands in the South and West ? How ? Did armies from Burgstijn invade that holy land and trampled over all its fat monks ?”

“We don’t know how, but both cities of power are now united under one man... His name and titles are King Matthias the first, Holy Father of Sacka-Graez, Lord-Mayor of Burgstijn, protector of the Faith in abundance, keeper of the treasury, high commissioner for the butchers’ and bakers’ unions, and president-for-life of the committee for chocolates, sweets and other goodies...”

“Damn... So the old bastards are dead, and we have a new player with enough guts to take over both countries ? Interesting.”

  Rob was thinking, of course, that even a man with a double stomach only has one head. With Stockytown’s power in his hands, and the baron’s treasure soon under his belt, he would only need to strike once to become the king of all Mittel Earth.

  But he managed to hide his secret, dark desires to the officers. The rest of the letter was enough to distract him from such thoughts – it had already caused much distress among the shipmen.

“It’s madness !”

“We know... but it’s an order.”

  The giant’s new, alcohol-free diet was proving quite successful. While the men from Kastel kept on swilling beer, bathing and drowning in the large vats, eating and drinking all day without ever holding back, the huge beast was showing some moderation. It was all relative, of course. But once again, his enormous body had found a new balance, reaching a height and weight that allowed him to walk and do some things during the day, like planting mighty thick trees, gardening forests and building new mountain tops with fallen rocks the size of fortresses.

  Only Mark could really tell what the giant was too fat to do – running, jumping, swimming like he used to... He was too slow to fight, or fight back. He was too enormous to hide, and way too plump to pounce. In spite of that, the giant was quite happy being massively obese. He was with his dear friend, Mark. He was surrounded with other tiny friends. More friends had just joined him... He didn’t question anything. He was growing – bigger and fatter. He was happy.

“What’s wrong with today’s breakfast ?”

“This is beyond me...”

  It was time for breakfast, but there was far too much food – a hundred ships at least must have been delivering it... There was more food on the shores than for any of the giant’s previous days.

“Are they going to gorge him that much, now ?”

“Impossible...”

“I didn’t know that Kastel-Pancia had such vertiginous resources !”

“You’re right !” Mark reacted. “This food is not coming only from Port-Lyfraim...”

“These pies... That’s Burgstijn food !”

“And these cookies are traditional delicacies from Sacka-Graez.”

“Let’s see...”

  The giant looked overwhelmed by the sheer amounts of foods spread all around him for his morning feast : he was expected to eat as fast as he could and be fattened up some more, once again. Being hungry, he just sat down and started stuffing his face, enjoying every bite of scrambled eggs, and every piece of pie...

  That grossly oversized meal lasted all morning, and a few hours after noon.

“Ships should have come back from Stockytown.”

“So... Is that it ? No more food for today ?”

“I guess...”

  Their huge friend was done with his last cupcake. He patted his belly for a few minutes, then proceeded to stand up, which took more time than ever. Mark and the others realized then and there that their gigantic friend was taller than every mountain in the Unknown Forest. He must have grown again, in his sleep, while he was digesting.

  Far all his height, his belly was too heavy now, and he had to hold it up with both hands, although he could only reach for his enormous sides and rolls, to keep it from sagging tremendously under the weight of such a monstrous meal...

  Even as he was holding it up, his guts felt so heavy, and hanged in front of him so much that it looked like an independent lump of flesh attached to his body.

“Damn it ! If they want to make him explode like a water balloon, this is the way to do it...”

“He needs to rest.”

“Let him go for a nap...”

  So Mark waved to the giant, and they both walked away, massive footstep after massive footstep, slow and steady, the giant nursing his obscenely round belly with one hand. He finally made it to the hills and lied down. For all his care, it still felt like an earthquake when his body hit the ground...

  Mark wasn’t the only one in Mittel Earth who was wondering about the effects and possible side-effects of that special food cooked in Sacka-Graez. As a matter of fact, none other than King Matti himself was waiting for a large, closed horse-carriage. The monks were looking for it, from the windows.

“I have never seen so many horses for one visitor !”

“He’s coming from Burgstijn. They have been talking about this in the kitchens.”

“Twelve horses... whoever is in there must be important.”

“...And weigh over a thousand pounds !”

  King Matti welcomed his honored guests at the front gate. All the monks who were watching let out a cry of surprise. There were only two boys in the hansom, both enormously overweight. They could hardly walk by themselves. Two monks had to help each of them to get inside.

“Are they really coming from Burgstijn ? Or O’Baybib ?”

“You think these two are cherubs ?”

“They look fat enough to be from O’Baybib...”

“But cherubs never leave Heaven ! Monks never come back from O’Baybib...”

“Only king Matti could do it...”

“Why would he bring more hungry mouths down here ?”

  They were going straight to the kitchens, underground.

“This is very suspicious...”

  For all they could guess, the monks were right. King Matti had been wondering for some time about his own cooking. All the monks had welcomed his discovery with great enthusiasm, and they were helping him as he went on translating the original legends – and recipes... Yet no one had asked a simple question : if that food was so good, and so successfully fattening, why had they stopped cooking it for their own use ?

  Had they only grown too fat to go on cooking ? Or too lazy to remember how to cook so well ? It was possible, given the average intelligence and patience of Matti’s overfed companions... Nevertheless, after his first attempt had granted Burgstijn’s victory over Stockytown in an epic, fattening battle, he needed more information to go on with his research.

  The boys secretly brought from Burgstijn were the prisoners and contestants during that famous battle : one born and raised as a thin peasant in Burgstijn, the other one from Stockytown. That last boy, fed with King Matti’s new food, had grown too plump to stand – and he had kept on growing after the battle...

“Let’s weigh you, boys !”

  The boy fed on Stockytown’s good food was still over 430 pounds. He had lost only a little weight, while his opponent had gone from almost 450 pounds to over 500... Both were naked and round like good cherubs, and would fit in perfectly in Sacka-Graez.

“All right... We have work to do.”

“What are you going to do to us, now ?”

  The two prisoners had been treated badly enough to be suspicious. King Matti did his best to make them feel more comfortable, but he couldn’t tell them that it was still potentially dangerous for them. A magnificent dinner was served for the two new monks – with food no other monk would have dared to steal from their plates... 

“They will be fed as you instructed, your majesty...”

“Is everything ready for tomorrow morning ?”

“Yes. The ships are almost fully loaded with food...”

“Good. And the fireworks ?”

“Also ready... But...”

“I want you to send this letter to brother Fratz, in Pohr-Kerwann.”

  When he was alone with his chubby, hungry guests, King Matti sighed. He had been recognized as lord-mayor of Burgstijn-at-the-Seams, and presented with the official, ceremonial Burgstijn pie to eat. But it required more diplomacy to be obeyed, and so he had to fight his way through delays and some reluctance from the military administration. This was his main concern.

  With these two boys ready to test his food, he would make some progress, hopefully. Then he thought about his allies in Sacka-Graez, in Pohr-Kerwann.

“I know I can trust him to do as I command... or as I recommend.”

  For the next two weeks, more than a hundred ships came to the giant from all over Mittel Earth, almost overloaded with fattening foods – forcing one big, long, daily meal on him.

  They always fired a red light as they approached the shores. They were getting more and more organized with each passing day, maneuvering with expert care on the Great Lake. 

  Then, one morning, no ship came to the shores.

  There was no food left for the giant...

“What has happened to Mittel Earth ?”

“No more food ? Only yesterday, they were piling it up all over here, sky high !”

“This is getting ridiculous...”

  Mark ignored the incessant chattering. There was a pattern behind such erratic moves, certainly the result of a long-planned decision.

“What are we going to do ?”

“What are we going to feed the giant ? There’s... well, nothing left !”

“He must be hungry !”

“What can we do, Mark ?”

  It was time for quick thinking, time for action.

“Get those beer vats out of the cave. If we can’t give him something to eat, let’s make him drink his hunger away...”

  That decision was generally approved. The hungry bellies in the valley would be quiet, once they were soused... There were far too many vats blocking the view around the village. Yet Mark thought further about it.

“Let’s get only... three or five hundred vats for him today !”

  And so the giant got drunk again... With no food to sponge away some of the alcohol, it was worse than ever. He became lazy again. His belly grew into a soft, jiggling beer gut. After a few days, he was quite sloppy – belching like a pig, and so much fatter that Mark was getting nervous about it.

  But they had no choice. And Mark suspected some foul play from the four cities, so he was actually careful, keeping the giant drunk and bloated.

“How many vats left ?”

“We couldn’t say... More than ten thousands of them...”

“Tomorrow, we will serve at least a thousand to our giant friend !”

  After the disastrous battles that had ripped the Seams and the Zipper over the control of toll towers and bridges, Burgstijn and Stockytown had decided to hold a secret peace conference. Sack-Graez had just merged with Burgstijn-at-the-Seams, which was a crushing blow for Stockytown. And the young, cocky masters of the Merchants’ Guild were secretly worried about their new field-marshal Rob, the Devourer of Pancia. He was getting results, but they could only pretend that he was following orders.

  With the baron’s immense treasures almost in their pockets, they still had some arguments to negotiate a truce. Their only common enemy now was the giant... They would get rid of him once and for all. It was the final step in their original plan : Attack together, somewhere on the Great Lake.

“We know King Matthias will approve when we submit this act for his signature.”

“We know Rob the Devourer will obey when we send him the news...”

  And the admirals of both fleets held a sumptuous banquet – no ties, no clothes, but with open bar, no last call and an all-you-can-eat buffet. The theme of the evening was “ships and dips”. It was considered a great success.

  The combined forces in Mittel Earth made for almost two hundred ships. Shortly after midnight, they left the main harbors, fully armed and with trained officers to kill the giant !

“Is all our company here ?”

“Aye, Sir !”

“I can see the lights from their admiral ships... Good.”

  They had been sailing all night. The sun would soon rise over the mountains of Kastel... The weather was good, even if rather foggy. Although they couldn’t see the shores, they knew from the stars that they had reached their destination.

“Is everyone in position ?”

“Not quite yet, Sir !”

  The wind had become contrary at this point, often shifting direction. Such very light wind rendered manoeuvering virtually impossible for all but the most expert crews. Even senior captains experienced difficulty with the changing conditions, and it took nearly an hour and a half for the admiral’s orders to be completed.

  The four cities of power, united in their fight against the giant, were all present on the Great Lake. Their combined fleet now formed an even, angular crescent, with the slower ships naturally leeward and further from the shores, but ready to face their huge enemy and strike him from all sides.

  The giant was doomed to fall into their trap.

“I see Sacka-Graez on Port side, Stocktown on Starboard side. Their ships must have come from Port-Lyfraim as well.”

“Aye, Sir !”

“They are too far away for me to spot them...”

“Surely they must be there.”

“What magnificent formation !”

  As the four fleets drew closer, anxiety began to build among officers and sailors – then red lights were fired in the sky from each commanding ship. It was truly impressive, ominously bloody fireworks.

“We are waiting for your command.”

“Good, good...”

  The admiral was caressing the golden handrail of the banister with his velvet, embroided gloves, beaming with pride to the point of popping like a bubble of soap... It was the most beautiful day of his life. Then all the sailors started noticing a distant thud – then another – and yet another. It was like a slow march played by an army of bass drummers...

“He’s approaching ! The giant’s approaching !”

“Cannons in position ! Light your torches !”

  Orders and firelights spread in both directions, making the crescent line of ships a bit more distinct in the morning mist – while the beat of the marching drums grew clearer and slightly faster... The sky was growing strangely darker, too – almost like a storm was approaching, rather than a creature of flesh and bones.

“This is it. Today will be history !”

“Sir, we are ready to open fire.”

  The admiral took a deep breath, popping two buttons of his uniform, curled his moustache and said to his men

“Mittel Earth expects that every man will do his duty...”

  But then a general cry of surprise echoed all over the Great Lake. It wasn’t a storm, but the giant himself – and as they first saw him in all his naked, bloated glory, officers and sailors turned their ships into beehives. Their whole formation was full of whispers and shivers...

“It can’t be him... He’s... He’s even bigger than I thought !”

“He’s fatter than a hog, but he’s approaching fast !”

  The officers were stunned, but there was not a second to lose.

“Fire at will !”

“Maintain your positions !”

“Fire !”

  But what was probably fairly easy to achieve on land had become impossible as the giant had water up to his knees by then. His leg movements stirred up the waters, then his underbelly touched the surface of the lake, creating large waves that rocked every ship in the fleet...

“Cannons in position ! Fire !”

“Fire !”

  A thousand cannonballs drew their fiery trajectories in the sky, trying to aim at the giant. Many shots went astray, but the ones that touched him bounced on his grotesquely bloated belly ! The giant was full of beer... Mark and his friends had served him more than a thousand vats on purpose. Now completely drunk, the big boy hardly even noticed that he was under attack.

  More cannonballs were shot, sometimes with a better angle. But none of them reached higher than the giant’s bellybutton. The sailors’ rifles were already too wet to shoot. The heavy chunks of steel that kept bouncing around the beast’s ample waist only caused him to jiggle. Then they would fall down on other ships, if not on the one who had fired the shot !

  Hundreds of them went through the hulls, destroyed masts, killed and wounded a number of the crews... Some unfortunate ones hit the barrels of gunpowder, or other ammunition on board. Explosions caused a panic among the sailors, who tried to abandon ship in improvised lifeboats. But the giant, still largely unaware of the danger, and not quite familiar with fire in general, took an interest in those burning sails and wrecks...

  Leaning over as much as he could, he grabbed a whole ship in his hand – but so clumsily that the hull cracked and broke down. It was something new. How could something be so small, so fragile and so noisy ?

“He’s going to crush us all !”

“Fire ! Fire !”

“We know we’re on fire !”

“Open fire ! Aim for his eyes !”

  But no ship could respond anymore. The air was filled with smoke, more vessels exploded and caused the men in their crew to drown as they had already jumped in the water. Lifeboats were rocking horribly, submerged by tidal waves which the giant caused and multiplied.

  It was a most uncommon swim for him. He was used to take baths in the Lake, on occasions, but it had always been so peaceful until now. The thick, acid scent of gunpowder and burning wrecks was annoying. He didn’t like it. The little shards of metal thrown at his gut and lovehandles tickled him lightly. He enjoyed that feeling, but it didn’t last long...

  He was soon reassured. When the sun was visible again, among the clouds, it was all peaceful again. There was perfect, unaltered – silence.

  All the ships sent against him were sinking to the bottom of the Great Lake... Countless debris, and planks, and bodies were floating, drifting away under the gentle wind. No survivor...

  The giant was no longer drunk. But he was full, and those many small peas – all dark, yet crowned like little morning suns – had left his stomach hungry for more pats and tickles. He patted the soft expanse of his upper belly lovingly, no longer capable of caressing his paunch around his bellybutton – then he uttered a loud

“BUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRP !!!!!!!”

  And though he didn’t know it then, it was a cry of victory. For the four cities of power, and the whole of Mittel Earth, it was catastrophic. Only distant observers on the shores of Sacka-Graez could tell their masters how everything had gone so dramatically wrong.

  The newspapers tried to minimize the strategic errors committed on that dark day, showing compassion for the victims and their families, and insisting on the fact that this had been the most epic “navel battle” in history !

  Of course, Mark had also heard the roaring belch of his overfed friend.

  He had every reason to be happy. The giant had offered him a most memorable revenge over Burgstijn-at-the-Seams, and the people who had put him in prison. He had outsmarted them, and he had showed more guts than the fattest, most noble son-of-a-bitch in the Council of the Four !

“Everything will be all right for us, now !”

“The giant will protect us again...”

“Of course !”

“But... Why isn’t he coming back ?”

  It was a good question. By the end of the day, the giant had not yet come back to the village.  

“I wonder... Damn those guys, if they have found a way to take him away from me... No ! I won’t accept that !”

  When the battle was over, more red lights had been fired – this time over land. Naturally, the giant assumed that his next meal had been served. Mark wanted him to come home. This was the right way to tell him.

  And so, going South-West instead of North, the innocent giant stepped into the holy, dangerous territory of Sacka-Graez...

  King Matti was informed at once. He had been concerned with the rash decision to attack the giant, even as previously planned. He would have to condone those errors in front of the unions soon, but he was struggling against something more pressing.

  His two guests had been well-fed – on purpose. The boy who had not yet tasted that “special” food which had left his companion too obese to walk was now very much like a brother to him... On his last weigh-in, he had proudly reached 700 pounds. And he was ready to grow even more ! The other boy had been offered something new, but his reaction to this diet exceeded Matti’s expectations...

“More ! I want more !!!”

“Me too ! I’m hungry !”

“I can’t... wait... FEED ME !”

“FEED ME !!!”

  They were growing more demanding, almost aggressive, as they were always so ravenous... The prisoners were large and plump like regular monks, after only a few days in those underground kitchens ! They had also bonded in a different way. Spending all their time together, eating and sleeping, it was only natural that some friendship would start. But whatever was in the food Matti cooked for them had completely changed their behavior.

  One could consider that they behaved like perfect, educated monks, by now : Stuffed all day, always begging for more, lazy yet sexually active... This left King Matti wondering about the side effects on the giant. He was working around the clock to create new recipes, test them on his willing subjects, try to make them happy and keep them quiet – if such a result could be achieved !

  The Giant had followed the red lights fired over the forests for a while, then he found a valley overlooking broad, fertile plains... There was his meal waiting for him – not just beer, but food. Massive, rich mounds of pies, hundreds of stuffed and roasted pigs, thousands of sausages, cream cakes and hills of steamy pasta glistening with butter, towers of beer vats up to his calves – the hungry, big boy had not yet seen such a magnificent feast. It covered the valley around him so much that the whole land seemed to be made of food for him to devour !

  Hungry and licking his lips in anticipation, the good giant sat on the ground with a loud, prolonged, almost earth-shattering sound, and curled his thick legs under his enormous belly.

  His friends were back, tending to his meat pies and cupcakes. They looked a bit fatter, which was good, but why were they wearing robes ? The giant’s pies had also grown in size : twelve men holding hands at arm’s length would hardly surround one of those, brought to him on wide horse carriages.

  It was only after he had eaten his way through a first, day long but delicious meal that the giant noticed the towers of a city – something he had never seen in his life. He was watching over Poh-Kerwann in the distance, like a child next to a sandcastle.

  But it seemed that he had no interest in such buildings. More food was already coming his way to be piled on top of what was yet to be eaten, and so much that there was always something to eat within his reach...

“There you go, monster ! Eat up and grow too fat to walk on all four !”

“More food for you, pig... Get fatter for the slaughter !”

“Have another full cake, and choke on it !”

  But the huge beast didn’t understand what they were shouting at him, thinking that his friends were only encouraging him to fully enjoy himself... It was not quite unlike that, except they only intended to kill him with constant overeating !

  The giant hardly hesitated. And everything tasted so good. Everything would go down his large and engorged throat. He kept on devouring whatever food he could get his hands on, while the monks smirked and sneered as they saw his belly swelling bigger and bigger with each heavy handful he shoved into his mouth. It was disgusting, but they were fascinated by that sloppy, fattened beast...

  Sometimes he would stop for a moment, to catch his breath or wipe his mouth clean of sauce and butter. He would let out an occasional, thundering belch, but his appetite was still intact. His stomach rumbled with hunger, and groaned from being so mindlessly overloaded, at the same time. Eating half as much would have already been unhealthy – this had to be lethal !

  The giant ignored it... He took a long, deep breath, and ate some more.

  Brother Fratz received daily reports regarding the giant.

  After a week, there was no longer a need for it : The enormous, gluttonous beast was in plain sight from his chamber in the main tower... It was time for him to send news to his king.

“To his gracious majesty,

 King Matthias the First,

 Our holy lord and master – all hail !

   My dear plumpcake,

  The giant has fallen into our trap, as you had expected. I want to pay homage to your wisdom and foresight. As for the safety of our land, in the name of all the heaven-rending knights of Pohr-Kerwann, I express my gratitude to you for what you have achieved in Sacka-Graez.

  Mittel Earth could not hope for a better ruler than you. Since you have become King, our fields have given more wheat and corn than ever. Ripe fruits are still waiting to fall from the branches of our orchards, sheep and cows have grown big and strong on rich pastures of perfect green. Every chicken lays three dozen eggs in a day. Even our goldmines have become more productive than last year !

  With so many blessings granted upon us, the giant is easily kept well overfed... Our initial reluctance to welcome such a wild beast has faded. We were naturally anxious that he would attack our towns and abbey. With a constant and massive supply of your magnificently fattening foods, he’s proved to be mostly harmless.

  We were only surprised by his size. The giant is a lot taller than we imagined... The most precise measurement I could give for his height is about 800 feet tall. He’s remarkably well-built, and his body shows every sign of healthy masculinity, only magnified to the extreme. He looks strong enough to carry whole mountains on his broad back. But he is quite clumsy. His manners are ridiculously primitive. When he saw our knights encouraging him to stuff his face, he offered them crumbs of cake to share ! My men are still laughing about it...

  It is only fair, and reassuring, to say that the beast is also much fatter than we had hoped. His belly is so huge and full at all times that its shadow has reached our gates. Yet he has not moved from his feeding spot ! His butt cheeks have grown so perfectly round that I doubt that he will ever get up from this comfortable position. His appetite is impressive, almost excessive. We hardly even encourage him to finish. I won’t hide it from you that some of the knights you know almost feel disappointed about this... They were hoping to force him past his limit, and torture him like any rebel to our cause.

  Everything is in order, as it is. The giant is gorging himself more than we could ever feed him. And for all his strength, he is doomed to grow too heavy to move. A prize hog twice his size would be half as fat !

  I hope that this letter will find you perfectly healthy and well-fed. Your orders have been followed, and I take this opportunity to renew my wishes that we start digging for gold again. The current inactivity in our mines, while acceptable for safety precautions and under such extraordinary circumstances, could have some negative consequence, as Burgstijn’s fleet is now destroyed, and a great deal of money will be needed shortly to restart their economy.

  We don’t know when the famous “devourer” sent by Stockytown to the Baron’s castle will get hold of his treasure. In my humble capacity, I remind you that our war against them is not over. Let me take care of the giant, when you have more pressing matters at hand.

  I have no doubt that victory will be yours, and I can only wish for a new, fair, prosperous Mittel Earth placed under one rule. I look forward to the day when we shall meet again, and you outgrow all kingly robes with your majestic, gloriously fattened body...

  Belly bumps back at you !

  Your faithful servant,

         Brother Fratz, commanding officer

         of the heaven-rending knights,

         governor & abbot of Pohr-Kerwann”

  King Matti read that letter a few times. The news was good. He knew that he could trust brother Fratz to get rid of the giant, as he was sending staggeringly increasing amounts of food to his abbey. However, something was preying on his mind. The monk serving him at his dinner table noticed it.

“What’s wrong, your majesty ?”

“I don’t know. I couldn’t put my finger on it.”

“Oh ? Maybe I can help you with that...”

  And he gently rubbed his king’s tight, distended bellybutton with both hands.

  King Matti chuckled. When his dinner was finished and he was ready for a good, late nap, he wrote an answer to his friend in Pohr-Kerwann, praising him for his prompt and efficient action. Then, although reluctantly, he gave new orders for his knights to go back and work in the goldmines...

For days and days, the fat giant did nothing but eat, with all the monks and knights watching him from Pohr-Kerwann... He was growing steadily fatter, in a harmonious balance between his belly and the rest of his body. This pleased the knights immensely – and so they fed him more and more food, encouraging him to eat, showing no mercy, and taking turns to force larger meals on him, day and night.

“He’s more voracious than I dared to imagine !” Brother Fratz mumbled to his monks. He admitted that the beast’s healthy, athletic body had already endured force-feeding torture far beyond human capacities. He was not human, in spite of his general appearance. Such a huge beast had to belong to the supernatural, and therefore he had to be removed from this world.

  Even the most sadistic knights were at a loss when asked for new ideas to put him down... The more fattening foods he consumed, the more he seemed to be able to devour.

  They found some distraction in going back to work in the gold mines.

  Slavery had been common practice in those realms for ages. It had made Pohr-Kerwann into that famous, proud, powerful province, with natural treasures and limitless resources. Even with open war at their borders, and sporadic revolts on their land, slaves had been working in the mines without fail – every day of the year – for generations.

  For most knights, King Matti’s decision to keep every man, woman and child in their humble homes, hidden from the giant until he would be under control, was foolish. They would grow lazy, maybe even fat, unless they worked hard, all day long, digging and looking for gold !

  Brother Fratz let them use their own methods to bring the mines back into full production. He knew that it mostly involved flogging, but he also knew that it had never failed them in the past.

  For the next few days, groups of slaves went back and forth between the mines and their little towns, lead by a few knights and heavily guarded.

“Look at that ! The giant paused !”

“He’s not eating ?”

“Well... He is, now. Damn pig !”

“He should have choked and died days ago...”

“I wonder if he will ever be stuffed full !”

“Never fear... We are feeding him at all times. He will reach his limit.”

“Not a moment too soon !”

  The giant sometimes rumbled – a low, ominous sound, like a volcano before a violent eruption... This was considered a good sign by the knights and monks, who didn’t hesitate to cut down on their own second helpings and meals, so the beast would really be stuffed at maximum speed !

  As it was to be expected, they had to face some resistance in the villages. Most of the men didn't want to be treated as slaves again. They arrested a few, but they couldn’t torture them the way they did. The knights in charge of their group grew impatient.

“No need to waste good food for them."
"Lazy pigs !"
"Flog them to Death if you have to... Back to work !”

  Open revolt didn’t last, but people started disappearing, leaving their homes to hide in the forests. Search groups would bring back such fugitives after a few days, disoriented and badly beaten. In the shadow of the giant’s immense frame, a strange feeling of fear was growing among the crowd...

  This was unacceptable. Without asking for any official order, some knights went horse-riding to the closest small villages to remind them that they were always in command.

  As they attacked a group of peasants running away from them, the giant’s belly rumble became more insistent...

“What’s that now ?”

“Ignore him ! He will gobble another Burgstijn pie down in a second !”

“No... I mean... That was not his stomach. He’s growling !”

  The shadow around them seemed to change. It was not like clouds hiding the sun in their gentle course – but as if a mountain had altered its shape, leaving the valley underneath in a sudden terror.

“He’s turned around ! He’s looking at us !”

“Catch the fugitives !” the captain ordered, trying to overcome his own fear.

“The horses are not responding...”

  Everyone was frozen on the spot – and they ought to be, as a gigantic arm was swiftly rising in the sky, and thrown in their direction...

“Look ! He’s reaching for...”

“Oh my...”

  But they were interrupted – and would never be heard again. The giant had swatted them with his hand, like flies... As his palm hit the ground, it caused a long shockwave through the land, uprooting trees, destroying towers and bridges running over the streams and rivers nearby. There was general uproar from the people and the beasts in the woods. Birds flew away in a panic, their shrills and cries tearing the clouds apart...

“Alarm ! Alarm !”

“What’s happening ?”

“The giant is not eating ! He’s...”

“He’s turning to the abbey !”

“What on earth...”

  It was true. Out of nowhere, the giant seemed furious now at the people who had so generously welcomed him on their land, and fed him like their own son... He was no longer innocent or tame, but a wild, killing beast as first described by the messengers from Kastel-Pancia !

  And now, he was going to crush the most magnificent fortress in the West...

  It was all too horrible to describe – they could hear explosion after explosion, as the giant struck the thick defensive walls with his fists, crushed one tower after the next in his hands. It happened so suddenly. It was so unexpected from the docile pig they had been fattening up for weeks on greasy sausages, buttery pies and beer !

  But the knights had never imagined anything like this in their most terrifying nightmares... Huge chunks of stone fell on them, from the gate towers, from the battlements – and thousands of tiles, while they were trying to escape.

  There were too many people in the abbey, running for their lives. Too many of them were already crushed, or badly injured, making the way out more difficult for the others. The passages between fallen curtain walls were too narrow for well-fed men like them ! It also became more and more difficult to breathe in the heavy cloud of dust created by the giant. In the end, there was no way out...

  Although the roofs had long fallen on the setts and into the ditch, it was dark all around the knights and the prisoners who tried to leave the buildings… Most of them rushed into the cellars and the galleries underground, running to and fro in a panic.

  The dying and the dead were trampled upon, but it was not over yet. The giant gave one powerful, semi-circular punch to the remaining buildings on ground level – it seemed that bricks and planks would never stop falling, that this chaos would never end... The giant had to be drunk with power, and destruction itself would get sick of his mighty blows !

  Finally, the giant dug his fingers into the basements and unearthed a great number of chests and coffers filled with gold coins, flowing away like grains of sand, more stones he crushed as he closed his hands – then he sat on the spot with a loud, crashing sound that could be felt from Sacka-Graez...

  Not a wall, not even a fence stood next to the sitting, monstrously obese giant – only the shockwave had destroyed the roads leading to the gate of what was once Pohr-Kerwann, the proud stronghold and abbey of the Heaven-Rending knights...

  It was over in a matter of minutes. Centuries-old buildings, legendary treasures and monuments, generations after generations of knights enforcing Sacka-Graez’ reign of terror in the North and the very source of their financial power in Mittel Earth – all that was gone, completely gone.

  The giant was covered with dust and sweat. He rubbed his large, sagging belly, then stood up – probably a thousand feet tall, towering over the flattened plain. Smoke billowed up around his ankles. In the giant’s shadow, it was impossible to tell if the strange rock formations he had sat on were part of ancient caves or the remains of an abandoned city... The grass would grow all over the place, soon, making it impossible to spot ever again.

  This dreadful news wouldn’t reach Sacka-Graez or Burgstijn for a day or two – but it was bound to cause much distress, very soon, as the giant was now slowly going down to the monastery itself !

  On the other hand, news regarding Rob the Devourer would be kept a secret for some time...

  Stockytown’s newly appointed field-marshal had been clever enough to send all the ships as he had been ordered, but he had remained behind their line. In fact, he had never left Port-Lyfraim !

“And it’s a good thing that I didn’t go !” he would claim, between mouthfuls of stuffed goose meat. “What, depriving Stockytown of its only true commander ? I have a much better idea ! This last ship we have in the harbor...”

“What of it, Sir ?”

“Now that the giant has left, I wish to reach those shores.”

“But... why ?”

“Look at the map. If we land there, pretty much where the giant used to get his food, we will be closer to the baron’s castle. A lot closer. And from what we know of his lands in the North, there should be an easy path, instead of the cliffs and rocky mountains still in our way from here.”

“I see... That’s right, you must be right.”

“And so I am. Bring us some more wine. And beer !”

  Rob the Devourer was certainly the only man in Mittel Earth who benefited from the disastrous “navel battle”. His absence had not been notified to Stockytown. His refuse to participate had saved him and his troops, hence his prestige among the soldiers was even greater than after he had invaded all the lands, South of Port-Lyfraim. He knew that they would follow him down the barrel of a gun.

  And his expedition to the baron’s castle was very promising in that sense...

  In the village, Mark was feeling depressed. The giant had not come back. There was no way to find him and bring him back. He was afraid that his friend might have been trapped, captured, possibly hurt or wounded. He couldn’t imagine him being killed... His friends shared his grief, for various reasons.

“We are left unprotected now...”

“How’s Mark doing ? Still in bed ?”

“Pretty much...”

  If Mark meant to immure himself and not be seen, he hardly had time to enjoy his new solitude. The Devourer’s ship reached their shore in the morning, and he was captured with the rest of his friends.

“Look at them... What a well-fed bunch !”

  Rob was delighted to find refugees from Kastel with the famous giant’s cook. They would show him the way back into their barren land, straight to the castle.

“Aren’t you that boy from Burgstijn ? The giant’s cook ?”

“What do you care ?...”

“You’re right. I don’t.”

  From this moment on, they were reduced to slavery, and treated like cattle.

“East we go ! To the treasure !”

  In Sacka-Graez, the monastery was under constant alarm. Messengers sent to Pohr-Kerwann had come back sooner than expected, unable to find their way to the abbey, and confirming King Matti’s most dreadful suspicions. The giant was alive. He was loose. And he was on his way... 

  With all the monks shaking in fear, Matti’s tasks were harder to complete. He had been crushed by the news regarding the destruction of the abbey and the death of knights he had known and learned to appreciate. He was secretly mourning his beloved brother Fratz, who had only been too impatient and had not listened to reason, only focusing on his duty. 

  But the monks around King Matti didn't care about their fallen brothers. And he had work to do. Matti was on the verge of completing a new recipe for his prisoners’ food.

  According to his ancient, cryptic sources, it was never to be used. It would cause fast, extreme weight gain, sky-high levels of bodyfat, and induce deep sleep, sharpened senses of touch, taste and smell, increasing appetite and sexual activity, a prolonged, passive state of bliss and immobility... It was the ultimate weapon ! And Matti's tests finally seemed to give positive results.

“It’s been two days, now. How are they doing ?”

“They sound very quiet, this morning...”

“Weights ?”

“Up. Way up, actually...”

  The thinner of them had just broken the 1000 pounds limit. And the fatter boy’s weight had to be well over 1500 pounds... He had broken the bench where he was sitting, the day before.

“So, it’s good news... Finally !”

“Yes, your majesty.”

“Are they hungry ?”

“They’re not shouting at us, demanding to be force-fed, at least.”

“Perfect. I’ll see them now.”

  In the underground kitchens, King Matti was pleased to find his two boys so immeasurably overweight and obese as he could hope for them to grow... Their bellies took over half the floor ! They looked half asleep. Matti turned to their guards.

“How are they ?”

“Perfectly quiet. We had to feed them, but there was no hurry.”

“They are perfectly happy, if you ask me...”

“And lazy...”

“Complacent. And, as you can see, fatter than whole milk cows !”

  Satisfied with these answers, King Matti patted one boy on his meaty, round shoulder. He hardly noticed his royal presence.

“Are you feeling well today ?”

“Hmmm... Sure, I’m okay...”

“How about you ?”

“Same...”

  They were both breathing slowly, moaning from time to time, their chubby hands resting on top of their superlative bellies, with a constant smile on their faces. Every now and then, they would also let out a low belch, then fall back into sleep...

“Hungry ?”

“Hmmm... Sure...”

“Do you want dinner to be served ?”

“Can’t... get up...”

“Too... heavy...”

  Matti produced a tray of large cupcakes in front of them.

“Well... How about a nice cake, lazy boy ?”

“Hmmm... Can’t reach... for it.”

“Me... neither. Too fat...”

  They had not even tried.

“Hmmm... Please, feed me. I’m hungry...”

“Me too... Feed me... fatter.”
"Aren't you boys fat enough, as you are ?
"No... I need more... Food."
"Hmmm... Yeah... I have to grow... Fatter..."

  Those few words were already too much effort for them. When the guards pushed those cakes against their sensuous lips, both boys ate large bites, in a hurry. King Matti sighed. They had no control over their own gluttony...

  He was relieved. His new recipe was working.

  And it was time to put it to good use !

“Where was the giant last spotted ?”

“A few miles North from our gates. He’s dangerously close...”

“Send fireworks over the plain there. I will welcome him myself.”

  That was a courageous decision, so the monks let him go alone, after they had spread plenty of those new pies and treats on the hills. King Matti fired the red lights and waited.

  By sundown, he could hear the giant’s slow, ponderous steps. Then he saw him approaching. There he was, in all his naked, fattened glory...

“He’s magnificent !”

  He bowed and welcomed the beast with great respect. The giant had noticed all the food around him. Now he noticed him. Was that a smile on his face ? King Matti saw the giant’s hand ready to grasp him. It was a gentle gesture. He didn’t look like he was going to squash him – not right now, at least...

  Matti climbed inside his gigantic palm, and got to eye level. That beast had to be a thousand feet tall, at least - much taller than he had been told ! There was no view over the West lands in Mittel Earth like the one he was offered now, even from the dungeon in Sacka-Graez. He was already feeling quite dizzy...

  In the giant’s eyes, King Matti could read :

“Let’s be friends, okay ?”

but also :

“Feed me, please...”

and :

“Don’t fuck with me, buddy !”

at the same time. He was fascinated by those ice cold, deep blue eyes.

  That look, more than anything else, made a profound impression on the king. Matti had to think about it. The giant could be kept under control – but he wouldn’t be killed, if he could help it... There was more food than ever for him to grow fatter – only the best, most fattening food !

  King Matti was inviting him to stay and rest, sit down and eat all that delicious food. Of course, the giant accepted. He sat down – and started to eat. It was the monks’ job that he would never get up and leave that spot...

  The next few days went by in a blur. It was an uninterrupted feast for the giant, who was enjoying himself tremendously. That new food was exactly up to his taste. It was almost like home cooking for him, from the way he rushed each new bite, and went for larger bites immediately. He was grabbing piles of sausages and pie after pie, greedily, still clumsy but eating faster and faster with every new meal.

  The amounts of foods he was able to eat during the day made everyone dizzy. Of course, he was so monstrously tall and strong that a huge vat of beer was like a thimble in his hand. Pies too heavy to be transported except on carriages were little more than appetizers... The cooks in Sacka-Graez were facing a challenge without precedent in their long history of gluttony. This was their pride and fame. For more than a thousand years, they had grown monks too fat and lazy to move – it was a matter of reputation !

  King Matti had given orders so that the giant would be really well-fed at all times, and no longer be a threat to his monks. He could count on his cooks’ help to provide larger meals, bake wider pies in ovens built and heated on purpose. It required a lot of effort from everyone, and all that work was enough distraction to make them overcome their fear.

  After a week, they could already contemplate their success. King Matti thought that the giant should be under surveillance in a cheerful, festive atmosphere. He suspected that the reason behind the downfall of Pohr-Kerwann was a display of violence against the poor, the slaves and peasants in the North. For their own sake, such occurrences would have to be avoided.

  Matti organized a first, all-night feast to entertain the giant. In the meantime, other groups of monks and knights could deal with the affairs of the state, collect taxes and keep all the people under control. Once again, it was a difficult task for his men. But the peasants’ revolt was stillborn, and nothing should happen like the events which had precipitated the destruction of the goldmines...

  The other positive result was the giant’s immediate weight gain. All that food, and the new recipes used for every meal, was taking a heavy toll on the beast’s body. Still sitting in the valley, immensely tall and athletic, he looked noticeably fatter. In fact, there was no doubt that he was a lot fatter – enormously flabby !

  The giant only moved to grab more food and lift it up to his hungry mouth. With his legs spread out, his belly had grown round and plump like a ripe pear or an oversized, full pillow. His navel was deeper than a cave, and the sides of his gut touched both his knees and his ankles now... It was reasonable to hope that the blonde, overeating beast would never walk again !

“This is good. Carry on like this...”

  King Matti had found a new balance between the forces in Mittel Earth. It would be a personal triumph, if only Burgstijn-at-the-Seams stood by his decision.

  Unfortunately, the noble families in Burgstijn were less interested in having the giant contained, at the moment...

  The council of the nobility had never been very good at handling finances. To be perfectly honest, they had never made any effort in that sense. Most of them did not even know what “savings” meant.

  After the defeat on the Great Lake, and the destruction of Pohr-Kerwann, they realized that there would be no more gold from Sacka-Graez. Now, all kinds of cooks, and bakers, and butchers, and farmers were demanding to be paid. There was no more money in the bank and no way to ask for new credit.

  The ships had not returned to Browken-Beldt. They were not yet paid in full. All contracts were suddenly broken. The previous attempts at strikes in all branches of activity were no longer a threat but a reality. The whole economy of Burgstijn-at-the-Seams was on the verge of collapsing...

  A messenger reached Sacka-Graez monastery in a hurry.

“So they are all counting on me now...”

  King Matti had listened to that report without interrupting. He had little option... In an opened letter to the people of Burgstijn-at-the-Seams, he announced that all payments would be made in gold, within a few weeks at most.

  He accepted that a new order of knights would look for the buried treasures in the ruins of Pohr-Kerwann. He would reorganize the production of the goldmines in the mountains. Burgstijn’s debt, however, would seal its submission to his own authority. The council would have to resign, and an agreement would have to be found for the shipyards to start building ships again. New buildings and a new fleet would be necessary.

  His quick, firm and effective response was welcomed enthusiastically. Matti was the most likely candidate to become their new Lord-Mayor, it was finally revealed that his help had been crucial in the battle of the 300. Now, he was the keeper of the beast !

  In spite of a few violent incidents in town, the fires of revolution were quenched almost immediately. Matti’s orders and instructions were followed to the letter, and a second messenger came to him with official words of gratitude.

  There was only one detail that Burgstijn didn’t understand : Their king refused to kill the giant...

“Why don’t we kill him, if he’s under control at last ?”

“They say he almost eats his bodyweight of food every day...”

“Damn him ! What do you think that beast can weigh ?”

“I don’t know, but I’ve been told that he’s taller than a mountain...”

“A mountain ?”

“More than a thousand feet tall, they say !”

“Well, he does come from the mountains, after all...”

“But we can’t go on feeding a beast like that !”

  It was pointless to argue with a whispering crowd, and King Matti never raised the subject of the giant’s future. He was quite satisfied with the beast’s behavior so far – he was always sitting in the grass, eating overwhelming amounts of fattening foods effortlessly, smiling and chuckling at his own monstrous belches, perfectly gentle, docile and complacent...

  His body was also growing fatter and fatter every day. His round belly had to be the perfect ball and chains to keep him on the ground. Matti also considered that he was alarmingly obese and didn’t seem to care about it. All signs indicated that the side effects were the same as observed with the two boys still locked in the kitchens, much too large to leave now.

“Why should we kill him ? He’s actually good company...”

  King Matti couldn’t tell his monks and servants that he had actually grown fond of the blonde, huge glutton. The giant wasn’t just a good-natured boy, eating his fill all day long in the field. He was the very living image of his masculine ideal...

“The king believes that this beast is attached to his land in Sacka-Graez.”

“Grounded, is he ? But he’s still alive !”

“And we still have to feed him...”

  The extraordinary, over-abundant harvest made it possible to keep the giant well-fed without suffering from famine – but wasn’t it a shame that all that food had to go to waste down the beast’s throat and into his bottomless stomach ?

  Most monks agreed with their beloved king : The giant was happy to be eating into immobility, with large, potbellied friends he also encouraged to feast. It was hard not to share at least a few buttery crumbs, when their huge kept boy didn’t mind offering them such tasty treats... They didn’t break any of their rules when they accepted big chunks of cookies, and they couldn’t refuse second helpings.

  King Matti only made sure that his monks didn’t get hooked on that food. It was beneficial on all accounts, as the boys grew much fatter while ensuring that the giant would soon burst or stop breathing between oversized bites, or at least fall asleep for good...

  The situation in Burgstijn-at-the-Seams cooled down only when full casks of gold were sent to pay the most pressing debts. Stockytown’s armies, still unable to attack, were camping by the Zipper River. They had not retreated, and so they still represented a menace for the populations in the South.

  The noble members of the council – the dissolved council, as it was – were also proud. They resented King Matti’s authority. The giant was probably just a pawn in his hand.

“We will take the beast away from the king...”

“And prove him wrong !”

“And restore our own regime !”

“Right ! No more of this monk business and diet... I want meat !”

  One morning, too early for the giant’s breakfast, red lights exploded over the plains, in the South. The Giant was just opening his eyes. He couldn’t miss them, so he smiled. It could be Mark. He had found a way to join him. And he was bringing more food for him, maybe...

  After struggling for almost an hour, the giant put both feet on the ground and managed to stand up, finding a delicate balance between his strong, broad back and his dangerously round, overhanging belly. The monks had not reached him yet. When they saw him walking in the forest, they ran back to the monastery. Some knights even fainted. One heavy footstep after the next, the giant slowly wobbled his way to the Southern plains, following the distant fireworks from Burgstijn...

  His belly was quivering, sagging and sloshing with each lumbering step. His feet created deep craters in the valley, careful as he was not to stomp over towns or farms. The poor, obese boy could only guess, since he couldn’t see his feet. Most of the valley before him was also in a blind spot. He was so obscenely fat. The giant’s shadow spread over thousands of miles, in the morning light...

“Dude, did you hear something ?”

“Like what ?”

  The giant was passing by O’Baybib. Some sleeping cherubs felt the tremor of his distant footsteps. All cuddling in a bundle, after another long day of fattening meals and sex, they didn’t hear a thing from outside their thick, guarded walls.

“What was that, dude ?”

“What was what ?...”

  A few heavy, muscular guards came to them.

“No talking. Don’t worry about this..."
"Don't worry about anything...”

“Feeding time for you, boys !”

  The whole group of cherubs was served beer through a bong – one boy at a time, and a good gallon each – several times. Then they were all gorged with stuffing, for hours, like a bunch of geese, until they had forgotten everything about what could have become an incident...

  They couldn’t be disturbed, after all. This was Paradise.

“Good boys”, the tallest guard concluded, rubbing his greasy hands together as he contemplated the three dozens of overfed boys resting on their cushions with bellies blown up like big balloons of meat. “More pastries for you, soon...”

  The obese cherubs were already sleeping and snoring gently, too drunk to go on humping for the moment.

“Never mind, dude...”

  The giant was already going further South. Sacka-Graez and his paradise would remain untouched. But he wasn’t the only fat monster whose march would cause a sensation in Mittel Earth...

  Rob the Devourer was advancing through the dense forests of Kastel with his soldiers, his retinue and his prisoners. The baron’s castle would soon be visible, over the tallest trees.

  They were going on rather slowly. The soldiers had grown quite large, with sagging beer bellies, after their stay in Port-Lyfraim. They had also finished the giant’s remaining few vats in the village, taking it as loot.

  The prisoners were dragging their feet even worse... They were still round and plump like pigs, and Rob the Devourer treated them as such.

“When will we get to the high, rocky path to the castle ?”

“According to our maps, it shouldn’t be more than two days.”

“Good. I can hardly wait to get my hands on that treasure !”

“Or be buried with it...” a grim voice commented. It was someone from the group of prisoners and boys.

  The Devourer was startled.

“Who said that ?”

“One of the prisoners, Sir...”

“Which prisoner ? Answer me !”

  They remained silent, exhausted after walking for days on such muddy, damp grounds, in the first cold days of Winter. But a soldier had recognized Mark’s voice.

“I recognized his voice. It’s our fattest prisoner...”

“You, come to me... What did you just say ?”

“I said your plan is bound to fail. It will be a disaster.”

“Who are you to contradict me ?”

“I’m Mark.”

“Mark who ?”

“Mark my words !”

  After a day of patient wandering, the giant found a large field almost entirely covered with large pies and vats of beer, like disjointed bricks... The general commanding the garrisons in charge of defending Burgstijn-at-the-Seams held his breath as he saw the beast approaching. His officers couldn’t help shivering. Certainly, that giant was over 1500 feet tall !

“Let’s hope he starts drinking...”

  They were not disappointed. The giant licked his lips, slowly sat down, then proceeded to eat and drink everything he could get his hands on. After an hour, the whole valley was cleaned of all the food which had been carefully spread for a whole week in advance, to keep him busy...

  And to make it worse, the beast looked hungry for more !

“More beer ! Bring it on ! More !”

  An endless line of horse-carriages was coming from the largest cellars in town. The giant drank a thousand vats of rich, thick blonde bear. Then he let loose a massive belch, so loud and low, and so long that the trees and the earth shook the giant’s sitting spot... More soldiers came to him from another town, bringing only a different kind of brew.

“More ! More ! Keep him drinking...”

  The beast was insatiable ! At least, he had a taste for good, fresh beer. He was drinking whole towns dry, but he didn’t refuse another vat...

  In the morning, he was quite drunk. The poor boy, baited and encouraged by the soldiers looking after him, gulped down a last beer. Then, after a few hiccups and a mighty, prolonged and eruptive belch, the giant fell asleep.

“Look ! He’s lying down...”

“Finally !”

“Call the others. Be quick ! We have work to do...”

  Lying down, the happy giant didn’t notice that the whole army was bringing tall machines of war by his side. They built towers next to his ankles, and another, higher one next to his chubby cheeks.

  The general had come back. He would take action now !

“Well done, men ! Where are our engineers ?”

“On their way, Sir.”

“I need their data. Now.”

  The giant was measured at an impressive 1728 feet tall. His weight was beyond the capacity of their instruments... His bloated belly was so huge that his navel had to be almost a thousand feet high, in that lying position.

  Burgstijn was proud of its military experts : They were probably the only high-ranking, educated men who could read, write and do sums... Their contribution was considered essential to win against the beast.

“As we expected. That is... As we feared, there is no vital organ we can reach with conventional weapons.”

“The giant was fattened up quite effectively, and his chest is so deep with layers of muscles and lard that it would require tons of steel to create a knife to get to his heart...”

“Our foundries are not equipped for that kind of equipment.”

“And if we did try to make such weapon, it would be too long and heavy for us to lift it and stab the beast...”

  The three experts talked in turns, shaking a bit, and rushing to the conclusion all too nervously. They were naturally afraid, standing quite close to one of the lying giant’s feet. But the general mistook their anxiety for some sign of respect and admiration, as they were talking in his august presence.

  This was already some kind of personal victory for him, so he welcomed their suggestions with patience and benevolence.

“So, how do we kill him ?”

“Well...”

“We also had to give up on our first intention to make him blind... It would only hurt him, and make him angry. We know for a fact that the giant is still able to walk, at the moment.”

“Unfortunately...” the general commented.

“And we know from experience that he will get violent if we hurt him.”

“A blind, angry beast would destroy everything standing on his path...”

“We cannot risk it.”

“So we have devised this plan for funnel feeding...”

“Massive funnel feeding !”

"Totally..."

“Massive !”

  The only possible solution to their problem was to keep the giant drunk and in chains, immobile on the ground. Then they would get him gorged and fattened up on foods coming from Burgstijn and Sacka-Graez.

  A funnel had been commissioned a few weeks ago. It was big enough to cover a whole cathedral like a tea cozy... But it proved to be too small to fit into the giant’s mouth. Another one was crafted at once, in a stainless brass alloy, thirty feet in diameter, with a long tube inserted between the giant’s thick lips, for him to suck on beer and milk at all times...

“Is that all there is to it ?”

“Certainly not, Sir...”

“This is only the beginning.”

  The army had to reinforce the tower for that funnel every day. Then the local farmers and cooks managed to cook enormous amounts of ground meat, stuffing and sausages to be sent straight down the giant’s throat. Beans and potatoes would be mashed with cooking oils and spices to be forced down the tube. An endless screw was inserted and kept turning for that purpose. It was bigger than the grand stairs in the Lord-Mayor’s palace in Burgstijn-at-the-Seams !

“I see. Now, that’s more like it.”

“Of course, this is only the first stage...”

“Our engines will be working at full speed in a day or two.”

“Then... How long will it take ?” the general interrupted them.

  The engineers exchanged a look.

“Judging from the size of his stomach...”

“...his empty stomach, that is... not bloated.”

“Yes. Well... No.”

“Not bloated. Empty...”

“I believe. Well, we believe...”

“He thinks so.”

“It should only take... four weeks ?”

"Totally."

“Right. Four weeks.”

“Four...”

  The general considered waiting for a whole month. It would give him time to work on a few historic words, or write a speech to the council of noble families. A few weeks didn’t sound too bad to secure his position in town.

“I guess we can wait for a while. The army will do its duty. And then ?”

“Well... Of course, then the giant’s stomach will be under such a constant flow of foods still being digested, and such growing pressure from food forced down his throat that his stomach will...”

“Well... Explode.”

“Right. Explode. Or give...”

“You know... He will be dead.”

"Totally."

“Totally dead.”

  The general approved their project. He was presented the plans and diet meant to forcefeed the captured giant to death. The list of foods went on for pages and pages bigger than maps...

“Four weeks... Can you guaranty it ?”

“Definitely. Four weeks. No more giant.”

“Dead.”

“Good...”

  Then he smiled – a cold smirk – turning to look at the giant’s lying, immense and almost endless, but vastly overfed body. How long could that much flesh hold its last, vital breath ?

“I can hardly wait ! I guess you’re right.”

“...Sir ?”

“It’s only the beginning...”

“For us ?”

“Not quite, but for the giant... The beginning of the end !”