– “Good morning, big boy...”
– “Good morning.”
– “Did you sleep well?”
– “So well... I feel like this is still part of my dream.”
– “Aren't you feeling a bit... hungry?”
– “Not so much, but I can't wait for Ryan to bring our next trays of food.”
Hawk let out a deep groan, like a bear's growl.
– “That dumb blonde boy had better hurry up!”
– “Why? Are you feeling hungry?”
– “I just can't wait to watch you eat... and eat... and eat...”
Austin kissed his big hairy boyfriend's chest, then he let a hand rub and play down his rich, thick treasure trail.
– “You really enjoy watching me stuffing my face...”
– “I really do.”
– “Then I will. I wonder what country we'll visit today!”
Almost right on cue, there was a discrete knock on the door.
– “Now, that's more like it.”
– “Okay... Let's find out.”
Hawk carried the large platter with both hands, smiling from ear to ear.
– “Back to Europe, big boy!”
– “Oh? What is it?”
– “Germany! Come and get your Sachertorte and gingerbread cookies.”
It was Austin's turn to let out a long moan of pure delight... He got out of bed, sat down at the table, and licked his lips as he took a look at the massive amounts of treats before him — like a diorama entirely made of chocolate, cream cakes and cookies to represent the Black Forest.
If this wasn't magic, nothing was.
– “Okay... I'm going to eat until I explode!”
For the rest of the day, Austin gorged on all kinds of spicy meatballs and sausages, rich game meat stews with jam, fries and fritters, Wiener schnitzel with homemade Spätzle noodles and sundried tomatoes, Black Forest cream cake and more cookies than he could count...
It was a seemingly endless feast, washed down with light blonde beer.
If Austin was in Heaven, Hawk was ready to worship him like an angel.
By sundown, even a glutton like him couldn't possibly eat another bite. He certainly deserved a break — and a long, cuddly hug, nestled against his tall boyfriend's chest.
– “Congratulations, Austin! I have never seen you eat so much.”
– “Ryan shoud deserve some praise too... I have never eaten so well.”
Austin let out a long, loud and deep burp to make his point.
Hawk rubbed his belly in long circles, lovingly.
– “And you're getting fatter...”
– “Are you sure? Do I look fatter already?”
– “Just a little bit fatter, but I should think so.”
– “I do feel bigger, and a bit rounder. And heavier. And fatter!”
– “I'm proud of you, Austin...”
A few words like these meant a lot, from someone like Hawk.
– “Let's get back to bed...”
– “Ryan should bring our last trays of the day around midnight.”
– “He certainly should.”
Hawk took his time to gently rub his boyfriend's belly, waist and butt.
– “There's no doubt about it... You have already grown a bit thicker.”
– “Just a bit? I want more!”
– “You'll get more to eat in a few hours.”
– “I can always call Ryan for a few more snacks or... appetizers.”
– “Appetizers, all right...”
Austin turned to the phone on his bedside table, and dialed five again.
– “He'll be on his way.”
– “I was just thinking... With you and me like locked in this suite, there is only your friend Ryan to guard the hotel?”
– “Well, yes...”
– “And you're not at all worried about this?”
– “Should I be worried?”
– “I mean... Some watch dog!”
– “You can trust him with more than food.”
– “Sure... If some burglars break in, I have no doubt that Ryan will keep them busy in bed until the Police comes to arrest them.”
■ ■ ■
Friday night — in the kitchen
It was almost 2AM. Ryan was done washing the dishes, when he heard footsteps in the lobby. He held his breath for a few seconds... Someone was wandering in the hotel, and coming to the kitchen — the only room with the lights still on.
– “Ryan... Are you still awake?”
– “Austin? You should be in bed.”
– “Oh! I was... I just need to take a break.”
– “Okay.”
Ryan could hardly take his eyes off his friend's gut, as he sat down.
– “I should have guessed that it was you... I didn't recognize your walk.”
– “My walk?”
– “Yes. Right now, your steps in the dark sounded a bit... heavier.”
– “Oh? Yeah, I certainly feel heavy. I'm stuffed to the gills!”
– “It does look like marriage would agree with you.”
Austin let out a deep sigh. Ryan was teasingly cheerful, as usual.
– “I don't know about marriage... I'm not feeling so well, tonight.”
– “Do you need something to drink?”
– “No, it has nothing to do with my stomach...”
– “Did you and Hawk had a fight?”
– “No. It's just...”
– “What is it?”
– “Sometimes, I don't understand him.”
– “How so?”
Ryan also sat down at the kitchen table, listening to his friend.
– “You know Hawk. He doesn't talk much.”
– “Not to me, he doesn't. I thought you two had all kinds of talks.”
– “Like what?”
– “Pillow talk, silly.”
– “Well... These last few days have brought us so much closer together. I had no idea that I could eat so much! And I had no idea that you could keep it up and...” Austin stopped and blushed. “I mean...”
– “Good times.”
– “Then, sometimes Hawk says something and I just don't get it.”
– “What kind of things?”
– “Oh... I don't know.”
– “I usually don't get what people talk about. Don't let it get to you.”
Austin was looking for a good example.
– “We were brushing our teeth in the bathroom, and I was asking how he felt or something. He said something like “I'm in like Flynn”. I didn't get that...”
– “In like Flynn?”
– “Yeah...”
– “Okay. Isn't that a nod to Errol Flynn?”
– “Who's Errol Flynn?”
– “Huh, wait...” Ryan thought about it for a moment. “He was an actor, right? Back then, in Hollywood... Robin Hood?”
– “I thought Kevin Costner was Robin Hood...”
– “He was. We're talking years and years ago... The Sea Hawk?”
– “Never heard of it.”
Ryan gave up. He wasn't quite sure either.
– “So he said something. Why did that bother you?”
– “It didn't bother me so much. I think it bothered him.”
– “Why?”
– “Because I didn't get it.”
– “It's not like he was making a joke.”
– “No...”
– “I can hardly imagine Hawk making a joke, to be honest.”
Austin sighed again. Ryan was beginning to feel worried about it too.
– “Where's Hawk, right now?”
– “In bed. Sleeping.”
– “That's where you should be.”
– “I know... I hope he won't be so grumpy when he wakes up.”
– “Grumpy?”
– “Yeah... Like Grumpy Grandpa!”
– “Okay, Austin. Change of plans... You guys come down and join me in the lobby, tomorrow morning. You need to talk about this.”
– “Are you sure?”
– “Why, you want to keep it as it is?”
– “No... I want to tell him how I feel.”
– “Good.”
– “I want to take this weight off my chest...”
– “Right. You want more weight around your waist.”
■ ■ ■
Saturday morning — in the lobby
It was no easy task to convince Hawk to come out of the Honeymoon suite, but Austin was determined — and Ryan made it just a little easier for him as he kept their 10AM trays of Tex-Mex treats in the kitchen.
When Hawk and Austin came into the lobby, they found their blonde cook giving Chris a warm welcome hug... He had just come back from his trip to Florida, and he sported a nice tan to match his shades.
– “Hi, guys!”
– “Hey...”
– “Austin! you look great.”
– “You look great, Chris...” Austin replied half-heartedly.
– “What's with the long faces? What did I miss?”
Even Ryan had to admit that Hawk and Austin looked a bit awkward.
The four men sat down around the next coffee table.
– “Okay, Chris... Hawk and I have something to say.”
– “What do you guys feel like telling us?”
– “It's more like...” Ryan tried to help. “Something they should tell each other. I'm not sure, but it may help them if we are there to listen.”
– “Okay... And no eavesdropping, I'm all for it.”
– “Austin?”
There was a moment of uncomfortable silence around the table.
– “Hawk, did I say something to make you angry?”
– “You didn't make me angry...”
– “What did I do, then? I'm eating. I'll get fatter.”
– “I know you will... Chris is right. You're looking really good.”
– “What is it, then?”
– “I've been thinking about it, lately...” Hawk let out a deep, growling sigh. “And... I haven't been totally honest with you, about a few things.”
– “Like what?”
Chris and Ryan were all ears too, at that moment.
– “When we started dating, I told you that I was 45 years old.”
– “Yes. And your birthday is in October.”
– “Well... That was a crock of bull.”
– “I don't understand...”
– “In about three months, I'll turn 48.”
– “Forty-eight years old?”
There was another long silence. Chris was the first one to react.
– “Okay, so I once said that you were in your fifties, just to be mean to you. This isn't so bad as I put it, back then... Right?”
Hawk was still throwing sideways glances at Austin.
– “It's been eating me up inside... I'm dating someone half my age.”
– “There's nothing wrong about it...” Ryan suggested. “So you're a little older than we thought. Two years don't make much of a difference.”
– “Not to me, maybe. But...”
– “I understand...” Austin cut to the chase. “I haven't been quite honest with you either. Then I guess you've found out?”
Chris looked straight at him, suddenly.
– “Wait a second! How old did you tell them you were?”
Austin was too embarrassed to answer.
– “Okay, Chris. How old is your cousin?”
– “Austin turned 19, last February.”
Ryan didn't know what to say. Chris didn't understand why it was such a big deal. Austin rushed back to the kitchen. Hawk was already walking upstairs. They heard the door shut behind him...
■ ■ ■
Saturday evening — in the kitchen
Chris was still puzzled with everyone's reaction around him.
– “Seriously, Austin. How old did you claim to be. Twenty-one?”
– “Twenty-two...”
Austin was sitting at the table, munching on tacos and burritos again.
– “I cheated on my resume... I told the manager I was twenty-two with some experience in management, so I could get the job.”
Ryan brought more food to the table. They had to get it over with.
– “So you're nineteen years old. Lucky you...”
– “I don't feel so lucky, right now.”
– “Come on... Hawk's upstairs. He's not going anywhere.”
– “I don't know, Austin...” Chris sat next to him. “Is there something else you've been hiding from your friends, that they should know about?”
– “No. That's it.”
– “You know...” Ryan patted his shoulder. “You certainly fooled me! You look so serious in your tight suit, with that tie around your neck.”
– “I'm sorry.”
– “Come on... You've played this game to your advantage. And you hold your liquor so well, you may be old enough to drink.”
– “Besides, it's only a matter of time before you turn 22.”
– “Yeah... Only Hawk will be in his fifties then.”
– “Okay, that's true. Does it bother you?”
Austin swallowed another burrito before answering.
– “Honestly, no... I feel sad for Hawk. It's clearly weighing down on him.”
– “You care for him, and he should know about this. He'll get over it.”
– “I do care for him. I wanted Hawk to be my first... You know.”
– “Oh...”
– “I don't want to lose him now.”
– “Okay.”
There was another moment of silence.
– “I had no doubt when you told me about it.” Ryan remembered. “Hawk isn't just some guy you wanted to take to bed. You had to be blind not to notice how much you were attracted to him. And I could tell that it would be your first time with another man.”
– “Yeah... Wait, you didn't say anything!”
– “Of course! I wanted to help you get the man you wanted.”
– “Okay...”
– “Reminding you that you were a virgin? Not helping.”
– “Let me get this straight...” Chris followed his own thoughts. “You were about to turn nineteen when you had sex with Hawk for the first time?”
– “That's right.”
– “And it was your first time.”
– “It was. So what?”
– “Boy! You've waited long enough...”
– “I guess I did. How old were you when you had your first boyfriend?”
– “It's not that simple. I've never had a boyfriend, or a girlfriend.”
– “Okay...” Ryan threw the dice. “How old were you when you had your first kiss? Let's start with first base, then we can move on.”
– “Huh... Good point. That makes it a lot easier for me.”
– “Why's that?”
– “Because I covered all those bases on the same week-end.”
– “How did that happen?”
Chris leaned back in his chair, smiling. He enjoyed the attention.
– “And just so you know, Austin... You were there!”
– “No way...”
– “It was our cousin Victoria's sweet sixteen birthday party, back in Long Island. Everyone was invited! Relatives, neighbours, friends, colleagues, government officials, even the Press was there. More than three hundred guests on the grounds of her parents' summer house...”
– “Cousin Victoria's sixteenth birthday... How old was I, back then?”
– “Eight, maybe? You were in the playground with the other kids.”
– “How old were you?” Ryan asked.
– “I was fourteen, so I belonged to the hip group... We gathered around Victoria. We cheered when they brought the birthday cake to our table... I danced with her for a little while, then everyone was so scattered in the garden they had hired some teenage girls to watch over us.”
– “Yes, I remember.”
– “So... While three girls kept an eye on us, the last one had definitely caught my eye. And she was already undressing me with her stare. She also had the key to their girl team's bungalow, which made her invitation just too good to pass up... I followed her, of course, then we spent the night together hopping from one bunk bed to another.”
– “Wow...”
– “Hopping, right...” Ryan smiled. “Not so bad, for a teenager.”
– “I had to tell someone, in the morning, so I turned to my friend Holt.”
– “Holt... Didn't his father own that car dealership in upstate New York? His family lived next to yours, if I remember correctly.”
– “Yes. Holt was the genuine boy next door... His home was right behind ours, and I think he already had a crush on me for some time. When I told him what had just happened to me, he was beside himself.”
Austin and Ryan exchanged an amused look over their mugs of cocoa.
– “I had to tell him all about it. Then I had to tell him all over again... He kept asking questions, so I guessed that he wasn't just curious. I invited him into my bedroom upstairs, and we started making out.”
– “And was he still... curious?”
– “Like, did you get to the bottom of this?”
– “We just kissed... Okay, so we kissed until our lips chafed. We couldn't just stay by ourselves when everyone was looking for us. There was like a whole day of party nonsense planned by our parents.”
– “So... that was it?”
– “We agreed to get back together in the evening. And we did.”
– “Pretty sweet deal...”
– “He lived so close, and it was so easy to meet him and get back to my bedroom in the morning, unnoticed... Then I guess we had some sort of relationship. Nothing too serious. He was cute and it was sweet. We kept it coming for a few months.”
– “Coming through the back door...” Ryan commented. “Classic.”
Chris turned to him.
– “How about you, sunny boy? When did you kiss your first girlfriend?”
– “Oh... I'll make it so much easier for you, guys. No girlfriend.”
– “Okay, so... your first kiss with a girl?”
– “The reason why I never crossed that bridge is just that I never came to the river. I was attracted to boys for as long as I can remember...”
– “You always knew that you were gay?”
– “I had no word for it, of course, but... Yeah, definitely.”
– “When did you have your first kiss, then?”
– “I think I was nine or ten, when I had my first kiss? I mean... One that counts, a real good one, tongue and all, leaving the other boy hazy and a little weak in the knees. I was curious too. I was experimenting...”
– “You started exploring the world early on.”
– “I guess I did.” Ryan paused for a moment. “It's not like they hand you a handbook or anything...”
– “Not even for handjobs.”
– “Anyway... The teachers said I was so flamboyant, my parents accused me of playing with matches.”
Austin and Chris had fun listening to their laid-back friend.
– “Did you really play with matches?”
– “No. I was playing with fire... I just didn't know.”
– “And did your parents know about it?”
– “I had no idea that I was supposed to keep secrets from them...”
– “What did they do then?”
– “They did a number of things... I spent the next six years in a catholic school, in Richmond. An all boy catholic school, of course... Way to pray the gay away, right? Whatever they had planned to straighten me up, it backfired like stray bullets from the firing squad, because I had my first serious relationship with a man right there.”
– “You mean... with a grown man? not a classmate.”
– “Catholic priest going after one of his students?” Austin nodded. “What do you know, nothing new under the sun...”
– “It wasn't so sordid as you think. As a matter of fact, he was a young and handsome priest, fresh out of seminary, and we were on very good terms before we turned our friendship into something else... He taught Bible study. I was one of his favourite students.”
– “Wonder why...”
– “And he was the only priest there who didn't have JETS.”
– “Wait, what? The priests at your school had jets?”
– “No! Not private jets...”
– “Not the New York Jets either, I guess?”
– “Of course not.”
– “What was it?”
– “We called it “Jesus Enthusiast's Tourette Syndrome”... You know how it goes, with those sermons and those homilies. It takes them three full seconds to get to the end of the name of God!”
– “And you're not supposed to take His name in vain...”
– “I know...” Ryan chuckled. “That was gaaawdawful!”
Austin and Chris also laughed about it.
– “Even in what should have been a normal conversation, they started each sentence with “Praise the Lord!” then a “God bless you!” popped up every now and then. It got worse and worse.”
– “That's not so bad... if you boys happened to sneeze a lot.”
– “I swear, most of the time, these old guys didn't make a lick of sense.”
– “So... how about that younger priest?”
– “Father Raul.” Ryan let out a sigh. “You should have seen him. He was built like a matador... What can I say? He was just a bit taller than me, dark, tight, smooth, uncut... With his skin tone, I expected him to taste like salted butter toffee.”
– “How old was he?”
– “He was quite young, actually. About twenty-four years old...”
– “And how old were you?”
– “I was twelve.”
– “Still twice your age.”
– “Now that you mention it... Yes, he was.”
– “You didn't do the math, back then.”
– “No, I had better things to do.”
– “I bet! You had a seriously adult relationship.”
– “Serious as a heart attack.”
– “A sacred heart attack...”
– “Well...” Ryan smiled. “Yes! I definitely went Biblical on his ass.”
– “So much for those Bible studies...” Austin mumbled.
– “Your first time with a man was with your priest.”
– “Let's say it was with my teacher, if you don't mind?”
It didn't sound much better, but Ryan clearly felt sensitive about it.
– “Then...” Austin asked. “It wasn't just a one time thing?”
– “No. I wouldn't call what we had a “relationship”, honestly, but it lasted at least three years...”
– “Three whole years?”
– “Did you break up with him, or...”
– “No... The others figured it out. It caused quite a ruckus in our school, but no scandal in the local press or anything. I got kicked out, and Raul had to be sent back to South America.”
Chris and Austin could feel a hint of melancholy in Ryan's tone.
– “Do you miss him?”
– “I did, for a while. It's all water under the bridge now.”
– “So you were actually fond of him...”
– “Of course, I was. But it wasn't easy being with him, you know.”
– “Was he struggling with this, being a priest and everything?”
– “He was. No matter how hard I tried to make him feel better...”
– “Did he feel bad about what he was doing to you?”
– “He felt guilty, about what I was doing to him. When I attended his class, I had to remind him not to call me by one of the nicknames he used in the bedroom.”
– “What kind of nicknames?”
– “Oh...” Ryan blushed. “Please, don't laugh... He called me Lucifer.”
– “Lucifer?”
– “Because you were his little morning star?”
– “Hey! I may have been a twink, but I did twinkle in my own way.”
– “And tickle?”
– “And tease!” Ryan concluded with a broad smile.
– “Why did he call you Lucifer?”
– “Oh! He called me a number of things... I was his little fallen angel, in the evening. His little devil, in the morning. He told me at least once that I was his only ray of light in the dark... He was struggling with his feelings, so he may have insulted me sometimes. When he spoke about sin, from the pulpit, he looked right at me. I didn't mind... It made me smile. One morning, he made his choice and he told me that he wouldn't call me by any other name, when we were alone.”
– “Where do you think he is, now?”
– “We would know if he had been elected pope.”
– “I doubt he was meant to become auxiliary bishop in Richmond...”
There was no coffee left, and no more chocolate milk.
– “When you think about it...” Chris shared. “That girl who was hired to look after us shouldn't have invited me to hop into bed with her. She was a young adult... No matter how eager I was to follow her, that was still statutory rape.”
– “Did you know that it would be considered rape?”
– “Of course not! I was leaving middle school, not entering law school.”
– “Still...” Austin concluded. “That was pretty low.”
– “How about you and your teacher priest, Ryan?”
The blonde guy shrugged, as he was taking the dirty dishes to the sink.
– “I can't blame Raul for what we did. After all, thanks to him, the years I spent in that school weren't such a big, fat waste of time...”
■ ■ ■
Sunday morning — in the Honeymoon suite
Hawk was still sulking and pacing in the bedroom. Austin was sitting at the kitchen table, brooding just as bad, but he had plenty of food before him and Chris was there to talk or listen to him. Ryan went upstairs, and he knocked at the door again... Hawk had not called for another tray of food or a bottle of champagne, at the moment.
Just as expected, he frowned when he saw Ryan come in.
– “What do you want?”
– “What do you think I want? You can't stay in this bedroom all day... Not alone, anyway.”
– “I'll pack my stuff and go.”
– “Don't wrap yourself up like a leftover sandwich... And if you won't talk to Austin? Okay, talk to me.”
Hawk didn't want to talk to anyone, but he didn't want to listen either.
– “There's nothing more to be said. I'm too old for Austin.”
– “What are you now, a yoghurt?”
Ryan made him sit down. Hawk would give himself a headache.
– “We all come with an expiration date... You should enjoy Life while it has flavour and you can feel how it tastes.”
– “I can feel the age difference. Thirty years! That's bitter enough.”
– “Okay, so Austin doesn't want to lose precious time dating any young sap. He's been looking for the real thing, right away... A big, strong and tall tree like you.”
– “Did you come all the way to make fun of me?”
– “Nuh huh... Austin doesn't think you're too old for him. And he's not too young for you... What do you think? When he closes his eyes, Austin pictures you just like that lighthouse where you live.”
– “What, like... a phallic symbol?”
– “Now that you mention it, I guess it works too.”
– “You're really having fun with me here. This is just a sick joke to you!”
– “It's not, and I'm serious. Listen to me... Austin isn't just fond of you. He needs you. These last few months have been quite stressful for him... Whenever he felt lost, you were that beacon of light in the dark.”
– “Seriously?”
– “That's how much he's drawn to you. Desperately, like some castaway looking for a safe haven on dry land...”
Hawk looked actually moved, as he let himself think about it.
– “Come on, you didn't shoot Austin with a tranquilizer dart... You didn't roofie him or anything.”
– “He saw you. He wanted you. He chased you... Okay?”
– “I guess he did.”
– “If Austin cheated on his age, it wasn't just for you. And even if it was, it should tell you how much he cares for you.”
– “Why did I let it bother me so much?”
– “I have no idea...”
– “Okay...”
– “Pull yourself together. Life's too short, boxer shorts are too tight, and we don't get second chances. You'll never be younger than you are now.”
Ryan had left the door opened... It was just too tempting to get up and walk to it, at least to get it closed. Hawk knew what he had to do.
– “Aren't you a wisecracking little matchmaker...”
– “I'm a cracker, all right... but I don't play with matches.”
As he was about to step out of the room, Hawk paused and turned to look straight at Ryan. He took a silent, deep breath.
– “Thanks.”
